Gundam MS
by David
Summary: When I say Gundam MS, I don't mean Mobile Suit Gundam. I mean Magical Schoolgirl Gundam. Take a blend of the casts of Tenchi, Gundam Wing, and Escaflowne, put it in a loose Pretty Sammy-ish framework, and give five girls (plus assorted sidekicks) the po
1. Who's Who

Gundam MS: Episode 1

Who's Who

Everything has a beginning.

It's just that some beginnings are harder to point out than others.For instance, this series begins at episode one.That's easy.What's hard is figuring out a decent way to get into the action from there.

That is, of course, what these few lines were for.

It was a perfectly normal morning.Relena was walking to school.There are more convenient places to start off this episode, but it is a well-known fact that all shoujo stories must begin with the main character walking to school.Oh yeah, and she has to be alone also.No matter how many friends she has, she has to start off alone.Either along the way or once there she will meet up with her friends, the supporting cast.This is an immutable law of the universe, and cannot be changed for something as trivial as convenience.Now where was I…

Ah, yes.

It was a perfectly normal morning.Relena was walking to school.She always walked to school.It was perfectly normal behavior.Everything was, in fact, perfectly normal.There wasn't a single thing that was the least bit un-normal.It was so normal, in fact, that it was un-normal in its overwhelming normality.This fact, however, was lost on most people, as they thought that it was only themselves who had a perfectly normal morning.But anyway, to the point.It was a perfectly normal morning, in a perfectly normal small town, in perfectly normal upstate New York.

Stop.

Rewind.

Did that just say what you think it did?

Yes, it did.

Upstate New York.

This is a shoujo story in upstate New York.

Now live with it.

Now then, on this perfectly normal morning, Relena was walking to school.She was deep in thought, only marginally aware of her surroundings.You might wonder what she was thinking about.Well, not much.Mostly it was involved in various comparisons between different guys at school.The fact that she could do this day after day and never run out of new comparisons spoke less for her imagination and creativity than it did for the speed of her thought process.

This is the time when our new hero should walk into a peppy, comic-relief supporting character.

Instead, she walks into Heero Yuy.Who, I suppose, could be a comic-relief character if you get laughs out of suicidal behavior.He is not, however, "peppy."

Thank god for small blessings, because they're the only ones you're likely to get around here.

After their fateful collision, they uttered the words which would form the basis of their relationship for the rest of their lives.

"Hey," cried Relena, "watch where you're going!"

To which Heero replied: "Ow."

"Don't you look up when you're walking?"Relena managed to loom over Heero, which is not an easy feat considering she's several inches shorter and a whole lot weaker.

"Uh, not really," Heero said as he desperately tried to get away.

"Well, you should!"

"Granted.Now, can I leave?"For some reason, he didn't have much hope.

"Why?Where are you going that's so important you're knocking people over huh?"

"Uh… School?"

"Hate to break it to you genius, but the school's that way."

By this time, Heero had been backed up against a telephone pole."Well, I'm, uh, sorta lost.I just moved here.So, uh, can I follow you?"

"Absolutely."

Heero sensed that perhaps his terrible ordeal might be over, and that after he got this strange girl to show him the way to school he could get on with his normal life.

He was dead wrong.

Of course, he didn't realize that yet.So he walked two steps behind her (he had quickly found out that she meant to take his asking to "follow" her slightly more literally than he had hoped), not quite understanding the glances she kept throwing at him.When they got to school several minutes later, Heero immediately split off and headed anywhere where Relena wasn't, while Relena went to look for people to talk to until she was a fashonable three minutes late (as four minutes would mean a detention).The first person she spied was Hitomi, so she sauntered over.

"Hey, Hitomi, how are you?"

"I'm horrible.Everyone's going to die.I'm so depressed."

"Ah, so everything's normal."

"Why do people keep saying that to me," whined Hitomi.

"Because, all you ever talk about is death and destruction."

"That's not true," said Hitomi defensively."I talk about lots of other things, like… like… like whether I should go out with Van or Allen!"

Relena sighed."First, Allen is five years older than you, already in college, and hooked up with Millerna.Second, you've been going out with Van for a whole year now.I don't know how he stands you."

Hitomi desperately tried to rally the conversation."Well, I don't know how you manage to go through three boyfriends in one day, so I guess we're even."

"I do NOT go through three boyfriends every day!That only happened once.Usually it's more like one or two!"

"And you're PROUD of that?"

Relena, if not exactly speedy on the intellectual front, had an unmistakable gift for social situations.A part of that gift was the ability to quickly tell when a conversation was going downhill, and that part was getting a lot of exercise at the moment.

"Er… well, uh… um…"The bell, of course, chose that moment to ring.

Hitomi started to look angrier."That damn bell never fails!Whenever I manage to back you into a corner, it rings.It's times like these that cause me to think about death and destruction…"

Relena, on the other hand, took a definite turn for the better."Don't worry.At least it can't get worse, right?Well, wish me luck!I'm off to Crazy Miss Washu."

"Yeah," replied Hitomi with a smug grin."They really should get her examined.Any teacher who insists that they're a 20,000 year old alien really needs some extra vacation time."

"She's not so bad, really.As long as you take the first day to tell her she doesn't look a day over fifteen."

As Relena walked home, she thought a little about her day.It had been surprisingly normal, really.So normal she really couldn't explain much about it.For a detailed explanation of this incredible normality, check above.I don't want to go through that crap again.Anyway…

In a neat case of déjà vu, Relena walks right into someone.

She looks up into the persons face.Her mind tries desperately to find something witty to say.

Her mouth comes up with "Oh crap."

**HEY?WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'RE OUT OF TIME?**

Relena: We're out of time, writer-guy.Look, you've even reverted to play notation to save time.

BUT THIS EPISODE WAS SUPPOSED TO GO UNTIL YOU GOT YOUR POWERS.

Relena: Well, if you wanted that you should have spent less time explaining how normal the morning was.

**SIGH**ALRIGHT, BUT HOW ARE WE GOING TO INTRODUCE THE REST OF THE CAST?

Relena: We can do a lineup and short intro!Admittedly, it's pretty stupid, but with the quality of writing it's not likely to be able to hurt this thing.

**GEE, THANKS.**

Relena: No prob.Besides, most of these people weren't supposed to be used for another couple episodes anyway.Get going guys!

Heero: Technically, I've already been introduced, but oh well.Sometime later on I'll probably morph into some sort of Gundam, but the author's not sure yet.He pretty much makes this stuff up as he goes along.Maybe Gundam Bikini.That should be good for some cheap laughs.

Ryo-Oki: I'm the Cute Furry Talking Animal Sidekick!Alright, raise your right hand if you didn't see this one coming a mile away… I'm practically the only reason the Tenchi crew were stuck in this thing.Well, also the huge number of women to stick into pretty girl roles, but you get the idea.

Sasami: Hey, I'm Sasami!I'm Heero's little sister, and later on get to morph into Gundam Annoying Girl.Think of me as Rini, except slightly less annoying, better hairstyle, and without all those stupid bath scenes the SM writers seem to feel the need to put her in.

Washu: Hi!I'm a 20,000-year-old alien genius!But don't tell anyone, OK?

Van: I'm Hitomi's girlfriend and right-hand man.But I feel bad about doing evil.I still do it though.

Allen: Hi, I don't appear in this series!Neither does anyone else from Esca except Van, Hitomi, and Dilandou.Good riddance to all three, I say.

Ryoko: I'm the peppy comic-relief character that should have made it into the walk-to-school part.I get to morph into Gundam Deathscythe Heck.Yeah, I know, it was censored.Live with it.

Kiyone: I'm a personality-less drone.I morph into Gundam Heavyarms.My only purpose is to fill the ranks.So basically, I'm Trowa with a better haircut.

Duo: I'm a demon who escaped from hell!I give Hitomi her powers!I'm evil!Grrrrrrr!

Ayeka: I get to morph into Gundam Sandrock.I love peace.That's why I'm willing to kill anyone who gets in the way!Wait a minute…

Cecilia: I can morph into Gundam Shenlong.Generally I am nice, sweet, and kind, and don't like the fact that I have to fight.But when I get angry, I turn into Dilandou.He's EVIL!The author may or may not do something about why I can turn into Dilly.If he does, expect random satire of the whole "Moon Kingdom" thing in SM.

Dilandou: I morph into the Oreades (big, red, shoots flame and long metal claws for Esca-Philistines)!BURN!Oh yeah, and I'm also the author's personal avatar for making sarcastic and un-funny comments about shoujo in general, and this series in particular.Think Rei from Stupidity Moon, and you'll get the idea.I promise it will be tuned down more this time, though.

Goku: Hi!I don't appear in this series.At all.

Vegeta: Neither do I.I'm busy in the Room of Spirit and Time training to become Super Saiyan level 5!You just wait Kakarot!I'll kick your ass yet!

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT, FOLKS.ALTHOUGH THIS CAST LIST IS SUBJECT TO BEING ADDED TO OR CHANGED WITHOUT NOTICE OR PURPOSE.HEY, I MAKE THIS STUFF UP AS I GO ALONG.CAN'T YOU TELL?

So that's it for this week, folks!Who is the mysterious stranger?Well, it's probably not Death or anything, but maybe it's her brother?Aunt?Grandmother?You must find out!Tune in next week for answers to question, and many more!Or maybe just to that one, if I get too lazy.


	2. The Power

Gundam MS: Episode 2

The Power

There were several things that made this figure look dangerous.One was his long robe that completely hid his body.Another was that he was carrying a deadly looking scythe in a business-like way.A third was that he appeared to be a 7-foot-tall skeleton.

There were also things that suggested this particular figure was more than just a vertically gifted gardener with odd fashion sense, a mask, and very old-fashioned ideas about how to trim a hedge.One was that he didn't appear to cast a shadow, despite it being about three O'clock.Another was that he seemed to be floating a couple inches above the ground.The third was that, although Relena would have sworn that under that robe the man was a skeleton, she couldn't see a single thing other than the robe.And two red embers where, on a normal person, eyes generally were.

In short, she stared at Death.And Death stared back.And then he spoke.

**_OH, SORRY ABOUT THAT._**

Relena could have sworn that his mouth never moved.Of course, she also couldn't even see his mouth.On the other hand, she could.

**_ARE YOU ALRIGHT?YOU SEEM RATHER STUNNED._**

For some reason, Relena couldn't quite wrap her mind around the fact that Death had, apparently, just bumped into her on the street, and was being quite polite about it.

IT'S THE SCYTHE, ISN'T IT?PEOPLE ALWAYS STARE AT THE SCYTHE.

It was at this point that Relena needed to say something, anything, to try and keep in the conversation.So, she said the first thing that came to mind.

"You shouldn't exist!You're not real!"She then realized how it might not be a good idea to be yelling at someone with a very sharp weapon (technically, a scythe was used for harvesting grain, but it could probably do people just as well), and tried to shut up.Rather unsuccessfully.

The apparition sighed, something fairly difficult for a giant skeleton to do.

WELL, OBVIOUSLY I DO EXIST.IF I DIDN'T, HOW COULD I BE TALKING TO YOU?

"So… I'm going to die?"

YES.

"Then what kills me?"

I CAN'T TELL YOU.

"Why not?"

**_ _**

**_BECAUSE IT IS NOT DECIDED YET.THE FUTURE HAS YET TO BE WRITTEN._**

"But you just said I was going to die!"

YOU WILL.EVERYONE DIES.WHY SHOULD YOU BE DIFFERENT?

Relena paused to digest this.Apparently Death could be bloody literal-minded.

"If I'm not going to die now, then why are you here?"

IT'S, UH, A LITTLE EMBARASSING.

Relena had to pause for a moment.For some reason she couldn't imagine that Death had just stuttered.Or that Death was embarrassed.They weren't things that fit with her version of Death.

"Go on."

Death seemed to shuffle in that little way people do when confessing that yes, they were the ones who had spilled the coffee on the $100,000 supercomputer.

WELL, I, AH… UM… I NEED SOMETHING FROM YOU.

Relena glared."What do you need?"

WELL, UM… JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING… NOT MUCH AT ALL, REALLY…

"Spit it out.And it had better not have anything to do with a soul."

I NEED YOUR HELP.

"You need my help?YOU?"

DO YOU HAVE TO RUB IT IN?I GO AROUND, DOING MY BEST, AND SOMETIMES I NEED A LITTLE HELP!I CAN'T DO EVERYTHING MYSELF YOU KNOW!

Relena just stared."You're Death."

**_YES.WHY IS IT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?_**

"Well, it's partly because you, um, aren't supposed to be real."

IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO BELIEVE?THERE IS A GRAIN OF TRUTH IN ALL LEGENDS.THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THE QUANTITY.

It said a lot for the effect of Death that Relena believed he really was Death.Which was fortunate, because he was.He gave off an intangible aura of, well, Death.Even taking into account his rather incongruous behavior, any casual observer would be sure that this was Death.

Relena gradually came to terms with the situation.Now that she was thinking rationally (or as rationally as anyone can when they've just been accosted by Death himself), and every rational bone in her body was screaming that there could be something very nice for her in this.Like immortality, for starters.

"Alright then.You're Death.So what do you need my help for?"

YOU ARE AWARE OF THE HUMAN STORIES OF THE LORD OF HELL?LUCIFER, SATAN, THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS?ONE OF GOD'S FALLEN ANGELS?

"I've heard of him," replied Relena, warily."Are you saying you want me to fight him?"

NO.THERE IS NO BEING SUCH AS HIM.HE IS BUT A FIGMENT OF HUMAN CREATIVITY.

Relena became even more confused."So… what does he have to do with anything?"

**_IN ALL LEGENDS, THERE IS A GRAIN OF TRUTH._**

**_ _**

**_IT BEGAN ONLY A COUPLE MILLION YEARS AFTER THE CREATING OF THE UNIVERSE.BEFORE SENTIENT LIFE AS YOU THINK OF IT WAS BORN.IT WAS FOUGHT BE BEINGS SUCH AS YOU CANNONT CONCIEVE: NOT EXACTLY GODS, BUT NOT EXACTLY MORTALS EITHER.IT WAS A WAR THAT NEARLY DESTROYED ALL OF TIME AND SPACE.IT WAS SO DESTRUCTIVE THAT IT HAS LEFT SUBCONCIOUS MEMORIES IN THE COLLECTIVE MIND OF THE UNIVERSE since FOREVER.IN SHORT, "IT SUCKED."_**

**_ _**

**_THE CAUSE OF THIS WAR IS UNIMPORTANT.IT WOULD BE HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND IT ANYWAY.BEINGS FOUGHT, NOT EXACTLY ON SIDES, BUT… WELL, HUMAN LANGUAGE FAILS AT THIS POINT.LET'S JUST SAY IT MADE SENSE TO THEM.THE MOST POWERFUL OF THESE BEINGS WAS KNOWN AS THE "GOD OF DEATH" AND "THE GREAT DESTROYER."WELL, SORT OF.THE TRANSLATION'S NOT EXACTLY PERFECT, BUT YOU GET THE IDEA.AT THE END OF THE WAR, HE AND SEVERAL, UM… THINK OF THEM AS "MINIONS," BUT THAT'S NOT EXACTLY RIGHT… ANYWAY, HE AND SEVERAL MINIONS WERE SEALED AWAY, BECAUSE THEY WERE TOO POWERFUL TO BE DESTROYED.HIS SEAL WAS GIVEN TO ME TO SAFEGUARD, AFTER WHICH, THE REMAINING BEINGS, AH, DEPARTED.SORT OF.THE POINT IS, THIS DEMON has been kept in my care since then._**

Relena just stared.Somehow, she already knew what was going to happen now."Lemme guess: he's escaped, and you want to give me magical powers to destroy him with."

**_HOW IN THE MULTIVERSE DID YOU FIGURE THAT OUT?_**

Relena just sighed."Lucky guess.Good god, this is formulaic.Well, except for the Death part."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'M WELL AWARE THAT I RIPPED OF MY DEATH FROM TERRY PRATCHETT.DON'T THINK OF IT AS PLAGARISM; THINK OF IT AS HOMAGE.

**_WHAT DO YOU MEAN?_**

"Oh, come on!You're not serious?Ancient war, evil spirit trapped, now he's escaped, and I am gifted with powers to stop him.Ah well.Anyway, I just have one question.Why me?"

YOU MEAN INSTEAD OF SOMEONE WITH SKILL, TRAINING, ACTUAL ABILITIES, OR, IN SHORT, ANY CHANCE OF SUCCESS?

"Well, that's putting it a little unkindly, but yes, that's the general gist of it."

**_AH, said Death, with the tone of one who has prepared for this question, researched for many weeks, and found an absolutely perfect answer._****_BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN._**

"Chosen by what?"

**_ER, said Death, with the tone of one who has prepared for a question, researched for many weeks, and found an absolutely perfect answer, which has just been proved to be full of holes and the dumbest thing the teacher had ever heard._****_BY, UH, THE… PROPHESY?_**

Relena just glared for a few seconds.Death started to look hopeful.

"What prophesy?"

Death started to look despondent again.**_UM, THE PROPHESY OF… ER… Death looked vainly around the street._****_THE PROPHESY OF… SIDEWALK… ER, YES, THE PROPHESY OF SEIDEWULK._**

Relena continued to glare.

LOOK, IT'S JUST THE WAY THINGS ARE DONE, ALL RIGHT?GREAT, ANCIENT EVILS ARE SEALED AWAY, NOT DESTROYED.SCHOOLGIRLS HAVE TO BE THE ONES TO KILL THEM WHEN THEY ESCAPE.IT'S JUST THE WAY THE UNIVERSE WORKS.

Relena considered.First, she thought about how much fun it would be to kill an ancient evil being of immense power.Then she thought about how she might be the one who was killed.Those two points battled around inside her head for a while.

WELL, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DO IT, I SUPPOSE I COULD ALWAYS GET SOMEONE ELSE-

Check and mate.

"I'll do it!"

[][1]

   [1]: http://SLADElv99.homepage.com/index.html



	3. The Demon

Gundam MS: Episode 3

The Demons

Good.Then you will need these.

Death reached into his pocket and rummaged around in it.Relena suppressed the suspicion that the pocket hadn't existed a moment before Death began reaching for it.As he brought his hand up, he opened it, and space seemed to shift in a strange way.Held neatly in the center of his palm were three rods and a small rabbit, yet these objects were also clearly too large to fit in the space they occupied.Relena wisely chose to ignore it.

the pink rod is yours.ryo ohki shall instruct you.goodbye.

Death vanished.There weren't any flares or flashes of light; those were for people who needed them.He simply wasn't there anymore.The rods clattered to the ground, and the rabbit landed nicely on its feet.

"Alright, Rio Okay, or whatever your name is.I know you're a talking rabbit."

The little creature bristled and hissed."I… am… not… a… RABBIT!"

"Fine, whatever.You want some carrots?I'm sure I have some back home."

"Sure!I love carrots!"

"And you're not a rabbit?"

"Shut up."

At this point, there should be a slight digression.

Most people believe that the more dangerous a person looks, the more dangerous they are.These people are very wrong.

Others believe that the most dangerous kind of person is the one who doesn't try to look dangerous, because they don't need to.These people are more right, but still wrong.

Only a few know the truth.The most dangerous kind of person is the one who you never look at twice, because they seem to be about as dangerous as a kitten.

Because, you see, if a kitten takes a swipe at you, you never even think to swipe back.

And if that kitten turns into a raging, man-eating demon in mid-swipe, then you're pretty much toast.

Or at least the monster equivalent thereof.

As Relena walked to school, she thought.Partly, she thought about when this demon was going to attack.Mostly, however, she thought about Ryo Ohki (who, by the way, had been quite clear on the proper pronunciation of her name).Relena could already see that the little thing was going to be a problem.Not only was she sickeningly cute, she was also a constant nagger.Telling her this and that about her powers, and how she had to train, blah blah blah.Plus she tended to go into homicidal rages whenever someone called her a rabbit, which was rather often.For someone who went to such lengths about how she wasn't a rabbit, she certainly looked the part well enough.Relena had solved the problem for today by locking the damn thing in the coat closet, but had the distressing feeling that Ryo Ohki would manage to figure out a way to open a doorknob pretty soon.

As Relena neared the school, she saw that there was a commotion near the entrance.This was not right.After all, she wasn't even involved in whatever it was.A fundamental law of Relena's universe is that everything revolves around her.The other fundamental law is that if it doesn't, it had better start doing so if it knows what's good for it.Everything else was just building up from there.

The current commotion had to do with what was apparently a new student.At the moment, he was casually chatting up Hitomi with the strained over-casualness of a guy testing the water.As smart as Hitomi normally was (to Relena, anyone who can beat a 2.0 GPA was "smart"), she was a little slow with most guys, and hadn't noticed that this particular one was hitting on her.A rather miffed Van was standing nearby.

Now, as much as Relena liked to make fun of Hitomi, she was also one of Relena's best friends (not to mention a handy person to copy off of during tests).So, she figured she had better head over and bail Hitomi out before she got into even more trouble (while neither of them realized it yet, Relena was one of the main reasons why Hitomi and Van were still together).It turned out, however, that it wasn't necessary, as the new guy took one glance at her, and quickly broke off his conversation with Hitomi in order to head over to her.Something odd glittered in his eyes as he spoke to her.

"Hey, my name's Duo.How ya doin'?"He reached out his hand for a handshake.And then it happened.

As Relena looked at his eyes, just for a moment, they turned into bottomless pits of the deepest black, without even a pupil.And then they were normal, but she Knew.She had only seen it for a moment, but that was enough.

He was the demon she was supposed to kill.The Great Destroyer, The God of Death.He smiled at her, a mischievous smile like he saw something funny in everything.She did the only thing reasonable.

She fainted.

When she woke up, she was looking into the face of Death.This is not a good thing to do on the best of occasions, and just having seen a world-destroying demon wasn't exactly a good occasion.

"Ah hell.Am I dead?"

Relena sat up and saw little Ryo Ohki sitting on her stomach.

"Yep, this has _got to be hell."_

YOU ARE NOT DEAD.

"Well, that's a relief."

HE IS HAVING TOO MUCH FUN PLAYING WITH YOU TO KILL YOU NOW.

"That is _not a relief."_

Ryo Ohki jumped up and floated several feet from Death's face."She locked me in a closet and went out without her rod!Not like it would have done her much good anyway.She didn't even let me tell her how to use it!You could have picked someone a lot better to be your angel!"

"Well, if you wouldn't nag so much and- hey, wait a minute!_Angel?"_

"Yeah, that's your job.Anyway, Death, you really should pick someone else.That girl you're getting fitted downstairs, for instance.I know she has some drawbacks, but-"

"I'm an _angel?"_

"What are you so worked up about?I never could understand you humans anyway.I mean, any reasonable person would-"

UM, RYO OHKI, I THINK SHE'S HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS.

"Why would that be?"

"I'm an _angel?Not that I'm complaining or anything, but somehow I don't think I fit the profile exactly."_

I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE.I DON'T THINK SHE TOTALLY UNDERSTANDS.

"I mean, wouldn't I have to go around wearing those little bikini things all the time?"

Ryo Ohki scratched her head in puzzlement."What in the universe is she talking about?"

**_YOU DID GIVE HER THE JOB BRIEF, RIGHT?_**

"I didn't even have time to tell her about her damn rod!You think I had time for that huge thing?Most of us don't even use it anymore.Thirty three hours is a little long, don't you think?"

IT NEVER HURTS TO BE PREPARED.

"Hey, is anyone even listening to me anymore?"

"Look, if you're so smart, then why don't you get her talking straight?"

ALRIGHT, IF IT MAKES YOU HAPPY.NOW, RELENA, LISTEN CAREFULLY.

"I'm not really that good at listening.Could I just have the cliff notes to look over later?"

NO.NOW, SINCE I HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO LISTEN THROUGH THE ENTIRE 33 HOUR BRIEF, I'LL CUT TO WHAT SEEMS TO BE YOUR PROBLEM.

"How long are we talking about exactly?"

**_DEPENDS.HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE IT?_**

"Alright, I can take a hint.Carry on, learned instructor."

THANK YOU.NOW, AS OF THE MOMENT YOU AGREED TO PERFORM THIS TASK, YOU BECAME ANGEL 528 OF UNIVERSE 40836, MULTIVERSE BLOCK MS.GOT ALL THAT?

"Uh, no, I'm still working on the angel part."

LOOK, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.528.YOU ARE ANGEL 528.

"How did I become an angel again?"

Ryo Ohki suddenly brightened up."Hey, I've got it!NOW I understand what her problem is!"

**_WHAT IS IT?_**

"Watch this.Now, Relena, an angel isn't necessarily someone with feathery wings.An angel is any being employed by Death to perform a task using super-natural powers.Not to be confused with super-universal powers, but you don't need to understand about that.I, for instance, am angel 53.Got all that?"

NOW, I'M SURE THAT ISN'T WHAT IS BOTHERING HER.I MEAN, THAT'S THE MOST BASIC DEFINITION-

"Alright, I get it now."

"You were saying, o lord and master?"

WELL, IF YOU'RE SO SMART, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HER EARLIER?

"At least I figured it out before you did!And besides, now that we've got miss confusion back on her feet, don't you think there's something more important to be talking about?"

I SUPPOSE SO.RELENA, I THINK YOU HAD BETTER GET BACK TO EARTH.

"Why is that?"

WELL, DUO HAS UNLEASHED HIS FIRST MONSTER.

"By monster, you mean an evil ugly city destroying thing?"

WELL, EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE UGLY PART.

"Oh?What does it look like?"

WELL, I KNOW IT'S THE MIDDLE OF NOVEMBER, BUT THIS IS PROBABLY IN BAD TASTE, NO PUN INTENDED.

"Spit it out already!"

IT'S A BIG TURKEY.

"And it's not ugly?"

NO.IN FACT, IT ACTUALLY LOOKS QUITE DELICIOUS.BY HUMAN STANDARDS, OF COURSE.

And so the adventure begins!Tune in next time when even more questions are answered?Such as whether or not this will get interesting!Or whether or not I'll actually have a battle!Or whether or not you'll manage to survive the justice and love speeches I'll use when I finally do have a battle!It'll be real exciting!Or not.Either way, I'm covered, because I don't get paid for this, so no matter how much it sucks I can't lose anything!Mwahahahahaha!


	4. Fight! For Everlasting Peace!

Gundam MS: Episode 4

Fight!For Everlasting Peace!

Relena stared in shock."Alright, so you want me to fight that thing?HOW?"

**_SIMPLY USE YOUR ROD TO TRANSFORM.AND PLEASE, LISTEN TO RYO OHKI THIS TIME.Death reached into his pocket, and this time Relena was __positive it hadn't been there before.He brought out the same pink rod he had given her last time._**

"Wasn't that in my house?"

**_YES._**

Relena sighed."Nevermind.So how do I get back?"

**_LIKE THIS._**

The world disappeared.

A new one replaced it.

Relena stared right into the face of a giant turkey.

Once again, she did the only sensible thing.She ran like hell.

Then she stopped running, because something small and furry was holding onto her hair.

"Hey, leggo of me!There's no way I'm fighting that thing!"

"Oh, get a grip!I'll be honest: I've worked with better.But Death decided to choose you, and I'm damn well gonna work with what I've got.In this case, it happens to be a coward.So, you have a simple choice."

"I don't like the way things are going here.Aren't _I supposed to be __your master?"_

"Technically, yes.Now, you have two choices.You can either fight that giant turkey."

"I'm not really happy with choice number one."

Ryo Ohki continued."Or you can run away and have Death mad at you."

"Of course, on the other hand, I never really liked thanksgiving.What do I do?"

"I knew you'd see reason.Just hold the rod in your hand and repeat after me.And I'm warning you, don't try anything funny because I'm in a really bad mood."

"And I'm warning you, don't try-" Relena was cut of by a small furry paw hitting her back with far more force than it had any right to."Ow!Alright, alright, I get the message."

Relena pulled the (very) pink rod out of her pocket."Now what do I say?"

"Super Pretty Magic Beautiful Gundam Power Activate."

"Super Pretty Beautiful Magic Power Gundam Activate!"

Nothing happened.

"You said it wrong!Try it again.It's Super Pretty Magic Beautiful Gundam Power Activate."

"Super Magic Pretty Gundam Beautiful Power Activate!"

"Arg!Not again!It's so simple!Super Pretty Magic Beautiful Gundam Power Activate!"

"Super Pretty Magic Power Beautiful Gundam Activate."

"By Death!Alright, we'll try this word for word, alright?Good.Now, follow me.Super."

"Super."

"Pretty."

"Pretty."

"Magic."

"Magic."

"Power."

"Power."

"Beautiful."

"Beautiful."

"Gundam."

"Gundam."

"Activate."

"Activate."

Cue Nude Transformation Scene!

"Hey, wait a minute!I never signed on for thiiiiiiiiisssssssssssss…"

"Don't worry, this is only text based, so we can't really show anything."

"Oh, well that's OK then.Hey, check me out!I'm all blocky and pink!Oh, and I have a big-ass gun.Nice!"

"You see that gun?"

"Do I ever!"

"That's your ultimate attack.Press the trigger."

Click."I did, but nothing happened!"

"Yeah.You have to use the magic words first."

"Oh hell.I'm freaking screwed."

"Probably.The words are 'Super Pretty Gundam Zero Beam Attack.'Got that?"

"No, but you can walk me through it again once I need it.Alright, time to fight!"

"Hey, wait a minute-"

Relena ran out into view of the Giant Turkey."Hey you!Get ready to die!"

A frantic Ryo Ohki followed."That's not how you do it!Ugh, this is horrible!What a rookie.Look, you need to make a speech before you fight it."

"Why?"

"It's just the way things are done, alright?"

"Um, OK.You're a very evil person for trying to hurt innocents!I am an avenging angel to smite you!Prepare to die!"

"No, no, that's a horrible speech!"

"Why?I think it covered all the important points.I'm good, He's bad, I'm gonna kill him."

"It was short and pointless.You didn't even use one of the Big Four!"

"Big Four?"

"Yeah.Love, Dreams, Justice, Peace.All speeches should include at least one of them.Why, all of the Greats could fit two in every speech they made, easy!Not to mention Riana Lightheart!Now, _there was an angel.She considered it a bad day if she couldn't stick in all four.Nowadays, girls have trouble even using one!"_

Relena looked on, stunned."Alright, I guess.I'll try again.Ahem!You evil monster.How dare you attack those innocents.Um… You are crushing their hopes and dreams.All people should be free to fulfill their dreams, no matter how impossible.There, was that better?"

"Well, yeah.Next time though, try not to deliver it in a monotone.Also, try to make it more relevant.No one really cares about dreams right now, so that should be a side-point rather than the main thrust.Justice or Peace would have worked better.That 'innocents' part really had potential.Also, it was a bit short.Still, not bad for a first try, even if it did take a bit of promting."

"Alright, so what happens now?"

"Now that you've finished the long, time-consuming speech, the monster will stop standing like a statue and attack you."

Gobble Gobble Attack!

Dozens of bright red crests flew out from the turkey and splattered all over Relena.Thankfully, the Turkey Monster was a little slow on the idea of weapons that actually hurt people instead of just annoying them.

"Oh gee, that was great.Now, what are the words for this damn beam cannon again?"

"Super Pretty Gundam Zero Beam Attack."

"Alright then. Super Gundam Pretty Beam Zero Attack!"

"This is gonna be a long battle…"

"Um, Super Pretty Beam Gundam Zero Attack?Super Pretty Beam Zero Gundam Attack?"

A turkey isn't a really great thinker.Neither is a giant turkey; that's why bad guys generally use humanoid monsters.However, even a pretty slow thinker like this one eventually got the feeling that it's attack had been less than successful.So, it switched to play B, which is 'Tie up the Idiots and Threaten Them Until They Can Find a Way to Free Themselves.'It wasn't quite sure what 'Threaten' meant, but it did know 'Tie up the Idiots,' and figured that Threaten would make itself clear once the first part was done.

Gobble Gobble Tie-up Attack!

"Oh hell.Now I can't move a muscle.Now what the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Scream a lot and hope somebody saves you."

"Oh sure, like that's gonna happen-"

A shadow of light detached itself from the rest of the background and dashed towards Relena.To any observer, it would look like a sort of cardboard figure was being moved behind the background, causing it to be pushed out.Out of this strange thing came a short shaft of blazing yellow light, that arced towards Relena in a blow that was sure to kill her-

But which actually just cut the rope around her.Grateful for her rescue, Relena was quick to heap praise upon her new hero.

"Hey, watch it with that thing, will you!You almost killed me!You could've taken my arm off swinging like that!"

Alright, so maybe she's not the most grateful person right now, but she's sure to be real grateful soon.Just give her a couple hours.

The strange anti-shadow shimmered and solidified into another robot: big, black, and holding a large, deadly-looking scythe, which was the mirror image of the one Death carried (except, of course, that this blade was yellow instead of the normal gray metal of Death's).

"Gee, remind me of this next time I save your ass.Now are you gonna use your damn gun or do I have to take care of this guy?"

"Gimme a sec!Um, alright, once more.Ahem!Super Pretty Gundam Zero… … …Beam Attack?"

"Now hit the trigger," prompted Ryo Ohki.

Click."Hey, nothing seems to be happening-"

KA-BOOM!

In all honesty, the blast did work right in one respect.It did kill the monster.

Unfortunately, it also took out most of the city block.

All three looked on, rather stunned.

The new, black-suited person was the first to speak up."I think that counts as a kill."

Ryo Ohki chimed in next."Relena, I think your next lesson will be the proper manipulation of the knob marked 'power level.'"

"Well, I killed it didn't I?And hey, who are you anyway?"

"Oh, I'm your first partner.My name's Ryoko, and this is the Deathscythe Heck."

"I already mentioned her to you," said Ryo Ohki."Remember?I mentioned a girl who was getting fitted?Well, it was her, and she was getting fitted for her suit.Which, I might add, is really called the Death_suit_ Heck."

"As I recall, you mentioned that she would make a much better leader than me."

"Well, I would.And I call it Death_scythe_ Heck because it sounds a lot better.Even with the damn censored part."

"Look," said Relena rather testily, "I'm in a bad mood, and I've got a really, really, _really_ big gun that I just figured out how to use.Right now I am going home, I will sit in front of my TV, and not move until I've finished beating FFIX."Relena swung her gun so it pointed straight at Ryoko."Any questions?No?Good."

Unknown to all of them, a girl and a boy watched from the shadows.The girl couldn't hear what they were talking about now, but she had heard the speech.It had touched something deep down inside of her.Quietly, she whispered to herself."I will make my dreams come true!"

She turned around, and looked straight at her companion."I have changed my answer.I say yes."

"I knew you'd see it my way," replied Duo, as he smiled.

And there you have it folks, episode 4!Took me long enough.Admittedly, it's not all that long, but take what you can get, right?So, what will happen next time?Will the mysterious girl be identified?Although it's not like you can't figure it out already, I freaked said who it was in the damn intro.But, um, I mean, you can never be sure, right?So tune in next time to find out!Or not, depending.


	5. The Girl They Called the Drone

Gundam MS: Episode 5

The Girl They Called the Drone

"Alright," said Relena."Now, let me get this straight.Ryoko is a demon… who used to be in league with Duo, who, may I remind you, we are trying to kill… and who lost her powers when escaping from Death… and is now helping us so that she can get those powers back?"

"Well, I didn't loose _all my powers.I can still fly and float through walls, but anything more complicated than that is impossible."_

"_How is floating through walls simple?"_

"It's not that hard, really," Ryoko explained in a lecturing tone."All matter has a lot of empty space, the trick is in getting the resonance's right so that all the actual stuff goes through the spaces-"

"I didn't really need an answer.Anyway, so you lost all your powers-"

At this point Ryo Ohki spoke up."Not loose.They were sealed-"

"_That's not the point either!The point is that neither of you thought it necessary to tell me until Ryoko floated through my front door!Haven't you ever heard of a doorknob?"_

"Actually, no.Is that the little metal tube with the chain?"

"NO!That's a lock!The knob is the round thing!Knob equals round!"

"Well, gee, it's easy to see now that you pointed it out…"

"Look, alright, now I'm pretty much calm.So you two can let me up now."  
  


"Are you sure?You won't try to kill Ryoko again?"

"Yes, Ryo Ohki, I'm sure.Anyway, we're already late to school."

"No we're not," said Ryoko."It's five miles away.That should be about 3 minutes flying since it isn't raining.It isn't, right?There doesn't seem to by anything falling from the sky, but nobody ever bothered to tell me about doorknobs so maybe they left something out there too.Uh, Relena?You look a little put off.Are you OK?"

"_WE CAN'T FLY TO SCHOOL!"_

"Yeah I can."

"_WELL I CAN'T!"_

"Why hello there, Relena," said Miss Washu, in her perpetually cheerful voice."Glad you could make it today!And only 14 minutes late too.If you had stayed out a couple more minutes you could have broken your old record.Who's your guest?"

"Ha ha, very funny.I have an excuse this time.I had to deal with Ryoko here.She's an exchange student, and she's living with me.Sorry about not having paperwork, but she came a little early."It was a marvelous lie to account for her presence, and Relena was very pleased with herself.

"And where is she from, hmm?"

"The ninth level of hell."Alright, so she was still a little peeved.It would pass.She didn't have the brainpower to remember to be angry for long.

"Ha ha. Very funny," said Ryoko."I'm from Japan.I'm half American, so I learned English early, which is why I don't have much of an accent."Ryoko did look like she could be half-Japanese.It wasn't something that jumped out at you, but once you were told, you could see how it was true.Her features almost seemed to become more Japanese the more you looked at her (In fact, they did.What she was doing was a little like the auras Death and Duo could do, only less powerful.Hers needed the suggestion already implanted in the viewers mind to work right).

"That's nice, we need some new people in here," said Washu."What's with the rabbit?"

Relena had to grab onto Ryo Ohki to prevent her from flying over to Washu and explaining, in great detail, how exactly she different from normal rabbits, starting with the ability to punch very, very hard.This was gonna take some improv, but Relena was good with it.

"Um, it's Ryoko's."There, now she had bought some time and, if things went bad, all the trouble would land at Ryoko's feet.Thankfully, inspiration came."It's religious, somehow.Not sure exactly, but I'll work it out fully eventually.I think, however, that you should be grateful this isn't the year of the lion."

"That's very… interesting.Now, take a seat.It's really amazing how the only seat left is next to Keyonne.She doesn't say much of anything, and no one is really sure what her personality is, or even if she has one.Some people say that she exists only to fill up the classroom.I also have no idea why I just went into a fairly long exposition of her character, or lack thereof."

Ryoko whispered a question to Relena."Does she do that often?"

"No.That was really weird."

Ryo Ohki managed to explain though."Oh, don't worry, that's perfectly normal.There's always a speech explaining who the focus of the episode is going to be.It's sort of an early warning system.Whenever someone previously unknown is seen and explained about in detail, it means they're going to be the new focus. You do have your rods with you?"

"Yes," both replied in a bored tone.

"I even brought the other three in case we needed them," said Relena.

"Good, because we might.Now I recommend you take a moment to listen to what Washu is saying.I wouldn't want you two to fail the test."

"Just one last question," said Ryoko."What's a test?"

Chemistry was boring.Very boring.So were all the other classes.At least, they were boring for Ryoko.Relena had a very interesting time, as she had to give Ryoko a crash course in the proper behavior at school while whispering, and occasionally having to explain why Ryoko had just fallen asleep (apparently, the teachers couldn't understand that one of Ryoko's demon powers was that she could put her conscious mind on a "backburner" and let her unconscious mind absorb the class lecture.The fact that she was snoring wasn't helping either).Apparently jet-lag wasn't a viable excuse.

When school finally ended, Relena managed to sneak out with Ryoko and the ever-present Ryo Ohki and get home without meeting anyone.Her plans for a rest break were interrupted, though, when Ryo Ohki suddenly tensed up.

"Hey, guys!There's a major disturbance going on downtown!"

Relena sighed."Another monster?"

"I don't think so.But it definitely isn't supposed to be there, and I can sense evil coming out of it."

"Oh, alright, I can take a hint.Ryoko, get over here, we're heading downtown."

Getting downtown took more effort than usual, due to the huge flow of people with one intent on their minds: getting as far away from downtown as possible.Eventually yielding to sense, Relena allowed Ryo Ohki to herd her and Ryoko into a secluded alley to Transform, whereupon they set out at a brisk pace several meters above the running people.

None of them saw the girl watching them from a window.

When they got to the center of the "disturbance," they found it fairly easy to ascertain.

It was a Gundam, like them, flying about 4 meters of the ground, surrounded by destruction.It was a sort of rusty brown mixed with gray, and exuded a sense of powerful evil.

"I have to do a speech, don't I?" asked Relena.

"Of course," answered Ryo Ohki."Try using peace."

"Alright.Ahem!Evil person, how dare you destroy things and hurt, no wait, _break the peace!You hurt people and crush their hopes and dreams!Love cannot flourish under your cruel attacks!I shall destroy all those who are evil!How was that?"_

"Hey, not bad!You might have it in you yet.The transitions need a little work though.It just doesn't _flow."_

"Um, I hate to break up your bonding moments, but shouldn't that thing have moved by now?"

"You worry too much, Ry- wait, I'm supposed to call her Deathsuit, right?"

"That's _Deathscythe!And yes, you are!"_

"Fine, Deathscythe.Hey, what should I call her?"

"I dunno," said Ryo Ohki."Evil monster usually works though."

The evil suit then said its first words."You can call me Epyon."

"Okaaaaaay," said Relena."In that case, Epyon, I'm gonna blow you up.Pretty Gundam Zero-"

WHIP ATTACK!

A long, metal whip extended from Epyon and knocked into Relena's beam cannon, sending it flying away.

"Hey, that's no fair!You can't do that!Can she do that?" said a frantic Relena.

"I just did.Now are you gonna fight fair, or do I have to call in some wimpy monster and then run away, leaving you to find some way to defeat it?"

"Uh, what's your definition of fair?" asked Ryoko."I mean, sure, that one-hit-kill beam cannon _could be considered a little cheap, but you do have the ability to knock it out of her hand, and she __is a complete moron, which sort of dulls the effectiveness-"_

"Hey, I am not a complete moron!"

"Yes you are," said Ryo Ohki.

"Look, this isn't the time.Do I have any other weapons?"

"Yeah, two of them," replied Ryo Ohki."There's the 'Super Wimpy Shoulder Pretty Zero Cannons' and the 'Super Beautiful Laser Pretty Zero Sword.'"

"Which one would work better?"

"Well, since the Shoulder Cannons have a hard time denting cardboard, they probably wouldn't work too well.And since your skill with a sword is probably about equal to your skill at remembering attack names, I don't think that would be a viable option either."

"Wow, I feel real great about myself now.So what would you recommend?"

"I recommend you getting your ass kicked until someone comes to rescue you."

"Gee, what a plan.Thanks Ryo Ohki, I'll be sure to nominate you for the 'greatest generals of all time' award."

"You got a better one?"

"Yeah.It's called 'plan run like hell.'"

"I must admit," said Ryoko, "that it has a certain ring to it."

"That's strange," Epyon said, "I could have sword you were planning on running away.But of course, that wouldn't be right, would it?"

Relena couldn't be sure, but she thought Epyon smiled.

Relena flew through the air in the opposite direction of Ryoko and Epyon.She would probably be happier about it if she was flying under her own power instead of because Epyon packed one hell of a punch.She made a note to never to use the battle-cry "Not in the face!" again.

She landed face-first in a mostly empty street.Mostly empty because there was one person still there.

It was, of course, Keyonne.

"Hey, you're Pretty Gundam Zero, right?"

"Yeah, that would be me.Never fear, for I protect the city and all that crap.Can I go now?"

"Not so fast, Relena."

"Geeze, Keyonne, what makes you think you can stop me?And hey, is it just me or did you just call me Relena?Because of course I'm not her.Ha ha.Whatever gave you that idea?"

"The fact that I was watching you when you transformed."

"Oh, that was all smoke and mirrors.Really.You don't believe a word I'm saying, do you?"

"Not as such, no.But I want to help you fight the enemy."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"Why not?It beats French club.Besides, I think you need the help."

"Well, maybe, but we still have standards."

"Then how'd you get in?"

"Why does everyone hate me?"

"Because you're a complete idiot who somehow manages to get through life without ever doing any work but you get chosen to be, not just a super-hero, but also the leader of a group of super-heroes, while virtually everyone else in the universe would be better qualified than you."

"At least it's nice to know where I stand."

"Even if it is at the bottom?"

Relena sighed."Look, we're not here to talk about my faults.We're here to talk about your strengths.Just because I might not be at the top of the grading curve-"

"Are we talking about the front of the curve, or the highest part, which, I should remind you, is the average?"

"Either.Now would you listen for a second?What makes you qualified?"

"One, I know your secret identity already.Two, I'm the only one here and you need help badly."

Relena thought about this for a few seconds."Alright, you're in.Here, take this red rod.It will allow you to transform."

"How?"

"Got me.Ryo Ohki should be able to tell you though.She's the little flying talking rabbit sidekick.She should be here any second now."

"How do you know that?"

"One, she never fails to berate me when I screw up, and she can't berate me if she isn't with me.Two, she's on Ryoko's shoulder, and Ryoko will be here in a matter of seconds."

"How many seconds?"

"Well, condsidering how long it took me to get here, and factoring in her current position and speed, about 3."

3

2

1

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…"

CRASH!

"See?There she is.Well, was anyway.I think we'd better catch up.She'll be out of that house any minute now and I don't want to miss her."

They almost did miss her, even running.Thankfully, Relena managed to persuade Ryoko to stand still.

"Get off of me, you damn bitch!I can take that monster!"Alright, so Relena's ideas of persuasion weren't very sophisticated, but they were effective.Plus, they were great payback.

"We need Ryo Ohki to tell Keyonne how do use her rod.And yes, she already knows who we are."

Ryo Ohki popped out of the house.

"Oh, good timing Ryo Ohki!We need you-"

"…And some bread, with the soup, thank you, yummy…"

"Oh great, we've got a swooning rabbit on our hands," said Ryoko, with her usual lack of foresight.

"I AM NOT A RABBIT!"

# CENSORED

"Owwww…" groaned Ryoko.

"Alright, lemme guess, you want me to tell Keyonne here how to use that rod, right?"

"How'd you guess?"

"Because, it's the way these things always work.Now, Keyonne, repeat after me."

"OK."

Ryo Ohki took a deep breath."Gundam… Heavyarms… Transformation."

"Hey, how come they get the easy ones?"

"Because they're the main characters."

"Uh…," started Keyonne. "Gundam Heavyarms Transformation? … Hey, nothing happened!"

Ryo Ohki stared at Keyonne."THAT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO HOLD THE ROD!Where do we find these people?"

"Oh, that makes sense," said Keyonne, as she pulled her rod out."Here goes nothing.Gundam Heavyarms Transformation!"

Cue Nude Transformation Scene!

"Wow," said the newly transformed Keyonne, "This feels really weird."

At that particularly convenient moment, Epyon fell out of the sky."Aha!Finally, I have found you!I see you have a new partner.That will make no difference!"

"Quick, Heavyarms, use your 'Gattling Gunfire' attack!" yelled Ryo Ohki.

"How do I do that?"

"Say 'Gattling Gunfire' and press the trigger."

"Gattling Gunfire?"Click.

## BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

"And point the damn gun at the enemy!Jesus, what is with these people?She practically blew my brains out!"

Now Keyonne was getting into it."Gattling Gunfire!Gattling Gunfire!Gattling Gunfire!"

## BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

## BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

## BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

"Oh no!" yelled Epyon, "Even though you have the exact same amount of power as these other two, for some reason it is enough to drive me away for this episode only!Thankfully, next episode will render you equally powerless so that the new new character can show off.Curse you!" she yelled as she flew away.

Keyonne grinned somehow, even though her face was made of metal."Can we do that again?"

_And so, episode five comes to a close.Exciting, isn't it?Tune in next time, when the exact thing happens again, and you get to find out what I'll call Ayeka/Sandrock's attack.How… suspenseful.Yeah, right.Who am I kidding?_


	6. Two for One

Gundam MS: Episode 6

# Two for One

"Alright," said Ryoko."So, basically, we just sit around until the story focuses on some totally random person, whereupon events will lead to her being the fourth Gundam Girl.Am I right?"

"Yep, that's about right," replied Ryo Ohki from her perch on Ryoko's shoulder.They were currently walking through the hallways between classes with Relena and Keyonne.Keyonne was, as usual, silent.

"So why can't we steer the selection process?"

"Damn it," said Relena, "Ryo Ohki must have explained it to you like 15 times!You are so dense!The selections are already decided upon.Since we don't know who it is going to be, any attempt to steer the process will only result in selecting the right person."

"Wait," said a confused Ryoko, "If attempting to steer the process will only make it select the right person, then if I try to steer it towards someone, then they will turn out to be the right person, right?"

"Good lord, I dunno.I'm just repeating what Ryo Ohki said.Would that work, Ryo Ohki?"

"Possibly.Why don't you try it and find out?"For some reason, Ryo Ohki seemed to be hiding a grin.Or maybe a smirk.

"OK!Then, let's try…" Ryoko looked around, hoping to find someone she would like to have around.While she was looking behind her, she accidentally bumped into a person walking the other way.

"Oh, sorry about that," the new person said, as she walked away.

"Who was that?And why did she apologize?I was the one at fault there," asked Ryoko.

"Oh," replied Relena, "That's Ayeka.She always apologizes.She's pretty much a total bookworm.I don't think she's ever stood up for herself, ever.She's nice, though, and if you're lucky enough to sit next to her you can pretty much count on a 100 every time you take a test."

"Um, did you just go on a long and completely irrelevant exposition of her character?" asked Keyonne.

A stricken look came over Ryoko's face."No!Quick, focus on someone else!_Please!_"

Ryo Ohki grinned hugely."Too late!Wanna try again?We can do the last two in the same episode!Come on, take your pick."

"Alright, I can do it!Watch this.Hey, Relena, who's that?"As Ryoko said that, she pointed towards what was basically a normal Goth chick, complete with dyed hair, black leather, and spiked collar.It was a perfect pick.

Unfortunately, Relena wasn't paying attention.

"Hey, Celena!How ya doing?I haven't seen you in a while."

"What do you mean?I just saw you yesterday… ah hell, not again.And I was doing so well too.I think I'd better head down to the attendance office."After that odd exchange, Celena started running towards another building.

"Who was that?" asked Ryo Ohki, barely able to contain a grin.

"Oh, that was just Celena," replied Relena."She's real nice, and everyone likes her, but she has this weird problem where she blanks out a certain amount of time, anywhere from a day to a month.No one knows what happens to her.They've tried every method of tracking her they can think of, but none of them work.They say that when they hired a private investigator to trail her, he ended up in five different pieces and a pile of ash.Cut apart and burned, poor guy.Hey, I did it again, didn't I?"

"IT'S NOT FAIR!" screamed Ryoko.

"Why do we have to have a goody-two-shoes like her, huh?Can't we just pick someone else?" complained Ryoko.She was walking home with Relena, Keyonne and Ryo Ohki.The only one still listening to her was Ryo Ohki.The other two were having a rather one-sided discussion on shoes.

"Look, you should know better than anyone that Ayeka will be necessary.We have to have at least one person who's got a brain in their heads.Besides, now that she's been officially chosen, you can't just un-choose her.The whole reality might fall apart.If things go too far off-track, who knows what could happen?"

"Hey, it's not like they'll banish us to M block."

"Don't be so sure.But it probably won't come to that.If necessary, we'll just split of an Innerverse.If you're the cause, though, Death will probably let you perish along with the old one."

"Hey," said Keyonne, itching to find a way out of an incredibly boring conversation about clothes, "What's M block?And what's an Innerverse?"

Ryoko smiled."Hey, Ryo Ohki, explain it to the mortals.And have fun!"

"Gee, thanks for the support.Alright, Keyonne, it works like this.Relena, pay attention, you might need to know this one day.M block is sort of the garbage collection of the Multiverse.It stands for Miscellaneous Block, and contains all the Universes that don't fit into any other block.It's not a nice place to be, and realities can become pretty unstable out there.Whole worlds annihilating each other in cosmic flashes, Universes melting into each other, that kinda stuff.Basically, it's all the low reality worlds stuck in one place so they can't hurt the more stable ones.We're in MS block, or Magical Schoolgirl Block.If we stray too far from the mold, we get sent somewhere else.Does that answer that?"

Ryoko grinned hugely, while both Relena and Keyonne scratched their heads."Arg!Damn mortals!Look, what are you having problems with now?"

"Um," ventured Relena, "What's the Multiverse?"

"Oh, for the fear of Death!" yelled Ryo Ohki, while Ryoko's grin looked ready to cut her face in half."The Multiverse is the sum collection of every Universe.It's divided up into blocks of different realities, like science fiction or, in our case, magical schoolgirls.In each world, the laws of reality are different, but they all conform to basic guidelines.Innerverses are separate worlds within a single Universe.They include things like alternate timelines and alternate realities.You know, like the kind where everyone is exactly opposite how they are normally?"

"Yeah, I'm getting it.Sort of," said Keyonne."But why do these different Universes exist?"

"Oh, that's simple.Both existence and belief are powerful forces.Existence causes belief.Belief causes existence.Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between cause and effect.Other times they are, in fact, the same.But the most powerful of all are words and pictures, for they can cause belief without existence, and existence without belief."

"That," said Relena, "Is so, so… _deep_!Not to mention incredibly boring.Can we do something else now?"

"Hey, I got an idea," said Keyonne."How about we find somewhere to transform so we can kill that evil monster that's attacking people?"

"Gee, and just when I was getting comfortable," said Relena.

"Super Pretty Magic Beautiful Power Gundam Activate!Oh hell, wait a sec, I mean Super Pretty Magic Beautiful Gundam Power Activate!"

"Gundam Deathscythe Hell Transformation!"

"Gundam Heavyarms Transformation!"

Cue Nude Transformation Scene!

"Alright, here goes!" yelled Relena."Evil, um… fire… hydrant… monster… HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!I'm sorry, I can't go on!This is too funny!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!What kind of ridiculous idiot goes around making fire hydrant monsters!This is _too_ rich!I can't believe this.Hey, do get a lot of trouble from dogs?I mean, how could they resist you.Five times normal size!HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Hey, I can't help the fact that my master lacks imagination.She just modeled me after the first thing she saw!That's really not fair!"

"I know, I'm sorry.But you're still a freaking joke!HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!My only worry is that I'll be unable to fight back as I'm being paralyzed with laughter!HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Hey," said the monster, "That's a good idea!"

REALLY STRONG WATER BLAST!

"Ouch!Ow!Get off my foot!Watch where you're putting that hand!This is _so_ not good style!"Various shouts of pain came from the wet pile of fallen Gundam Girls.The monster laughed, unaware of the two figures behind him.

This was not surprising neither of the two figures was very imposing or memorable.However, by coincidence, they had decided to take a different route home that day, and coincidentally met up with each other.They also coincidentally appeared at the ideal moment.

They were, completely coincidentally, Ayeka and Celena.

Coincidence is just fate that doesn't want to work very hard.

The whole pile of Gundam Girls saw the two new people at once and froze.

Relena stared at Ryoko.

Ryoko stared at Relena.

"Screw it," they both said at the same time.

Relena grabbed the last two rods.Ryoko grabbed Ryo Ohki.All three were hurled towards the new figures, accompanied by a fading yell of "You guys are so dead when this is over!"

"I don't know what you are trying to accomplish," said the monster, "But it won't work!"

WATER TIE-UP ROPE!

A stream of blue water, somehow solidified, wrapped around Relena, Ryoko, and Keyonne, bunching them into a nice little bundle.

"Now I have you! Prepare to be threatened!You suck!I could kill you.Watch, as I bring a nasty spiked death thing near your face.Do you think I could move it any slower?I don't.I might decide to kill you eventually."

FLAMETHROWER BLAST!

DUAL SICKLE BOOMERANG!

"UWAAAAGGGGHHH!" yelled the monster, as Celena's flamethrowers scored a direct him on his back.Ayeka's sickles neatly sliced the cord binding Relena and co. before returning to her hands.

"I am Gundam Sandrock!I love peace, but if the only way to peace is through your corpse, then so be it!"

"I am Gundam Shen-Long!My flames of justice shall reduce you and all other evil to ashes!"

"Everyone!" yelled Relena, "Let's show him what we're made of!"

SCYTHE SLASH WAVE!

GATTLING GUNFIRE!

"Arg!You're power is great indeed.But I still live!"

"Not for long!Super Pretty Gundam Zero Beam Attack!"

KA-BOOM!

"Well," said Relena, "That about takes care of that."

In a different plane, Death watched and smiled.**_YES, IT DOES, he said to no one in particular._**

And in an entirely different Universe, in a block far, far away, another watched, smiled, and thought, 'this is gonna be fun.'

Still smiling, Misato stopped watching and headed out to finish preparations.

End of Saga 1: And So It Begins

  
  


Next episode will be the first of Saga 2: There Is A Hole In Your World, not to mention the Giant Christmas Spectacular!What will happen?Now that the stage is set, things will really start heating up!Look for new cast members, new Gundams, and maybe even a few giant robots that aren't Gundams!Things are about to heat up!So be sure to tune in next time!Just one hint:

**HO.HO.HO.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**I'm well aware that I misspelled a bunch of the Tenchi girls, especially Keyonne.It's for a reason!It's supposed to be because these aren't the same people as their Tenchi counterparts, but are instead just close copies.It may or may not make more sense later on.Don't worry about it.


	7. Christmas Spectacular

Gundam MS: Episode 7

Christmas Spectacular

Slowly, somewhere in the Multiverse, a plan was coming to fruition.There was a chance it would fail.Not a large chance, but a chance.It was much more likely to succeed.Its creator knew this.She knew the risks, which were large, and the gains, which were not exactly extraordinary.In fact, most people would think she was crazy to even attempt it.

In truth, even she thought she might be crazy.But that didn't matter.She was bored.Her Universe was falling into a pattern, and it was a pattern of nothing.It was running out of things to do.Nothing was interesting anymore.So why not spice it up a little?

Leaning back, Misato smiled.No matter what the outcome, it would be one hell of a show.

With that last thought, she set her plan in motion.

Saga 2:

# There is a Hole in Your World

Elsewhere in this Universe, things were happening on a small, completely unimportant planet called Earth, which by some strange coincidence, was home to the most powerful fighters in said Universe.At the moment, all six of them were gathered together.

"It's nice for all of us to be together!" said Goku."I'm sure you all know why we're here."

"Of course we know that, idiot," replied Vegetta."We have to find a way to kill Brolly, and this time for good.I don't want to have to go through this every damn month.I've freaking lost count of how many times we've had to fight him."

Besides those two, there were five others, namely Gohan, Trunks, Goten, Pan, and Bulma (Bulma was, of course, the only one who wasn't a godlike invincible fighter).

"Hey, can you hurry it up guys?" said Gohan."I really don't want Videl or Mom to find out that I'm fighting again, so can you just tell us your plan, Dad?And I hope that this one won't involve letting me be beat to a pulp so that my hidden powers can emerge."

"Hey, are you still mad about that Cell thing?" asked Goku."It worked out in the end, didn't it?Sort of, anyway.Look, the point is that we have to find some way to kill Brolly for good, and not have him come back every couple weeks for another movie.To do that, we're going to have to find the next level of Super-Saiyan.We must reach Super Saiyan 5!But none of us can do that alone, so we have to fuse."

"That's impossible!" said Vegetta."You're a complete idiot.Not even two of us together have the power needed to gain another level of Super-Saiyan."

"That's right!" said Goku, with his trademark little half-grin."That's why I've had Bulma make a new fusion dance that will allow all six of us to merge together!"

"That's impossible!" chorused the other five.

"Nah," replied Bulma, "It was actually pretty easy.I just had to extrapolate new positions from the original dance by utilizing some theoretical calculus and algebra, and an entirely new branch of mathematics I needed to invent for the occasion."

Gohan looked stunned."You did all of that in just a _week?"_

"Nah, it only took me four days.It took another three to figure out what to wear for the occasion."

"IT TOOK YOU THREE DAYS TO DECIDE TO WEAR THE SAME EXACT OUTFIT YOU ALWAYS WEAR?"

"Hey, it can take years of training to know when to do nothing!"

"Hey, guys, guys, calm down!" said Goku."Right now, we need to get Bulma to teach us the new and improved fusion dance."

"Not the fusion dance anymore!I call my version… the fusion line dance!"

"This has to be some sort of plot against me," grumbled Vegetta.Having formed a single line ranging from tallest (Gohan) to shortest (Pan), with the other four in the middle (Goku, Vegetta, Trunks, Goten), they had proceeded to, well, line dance.Only it wasn't working quite right.Bulma said that they hadn't gotten the movements accurate enough, but Vegetta thought she was just wrong, and this whole thing was designed to embarrass him.

"Come on guys, just one more time!" pleaded Bulma."You have to put your heart into it!"

"Fine, but this is the last time!" yelled Vegetta.

"F…us…i…on!"

A bright, glowing light shone over all of them, and when it subsided, there was only one figure.

He had bulbous hands attached to stick-thin arms, tiny feet and gigantic legs, an emancipated body and a titanic head.

Bulma sighed.This might take longer than she had thought.

After about five failed attempts, they finally managed to get it right.The resulting being's power was surpassed by nothing.

"Haha!I am completely invincible!My power is greater than every other person in the Universe, combined!"

Well, except maybe his ego.

"My name is Go-go-go-unks-etto-an!"

And quite possibly his name.

"Watch, as I transform into a level 5 Super-Saiyan!"

First, he went Super Saiyan 4.That was easy.Then came the hard part.He grunted.He strained.He acted like he was constipated.For several minutes.Bulma got bored, and popped open a fashion magazine.And then it happened, all at once.

The wave of power reached all the way across the Universe.Energy exploded out from his body.And his hair… grew.It grew longer and longer, up and up, until it blotted out the sun.It almost reached the sun, in fact, before it's own mass caught up with it.

All objects want to become a sphere.That's why planets and stars are round.Most things don't have enough mass to do so, however.Hair is one of those things.

Usually, anyway.

This hair happened to have a mass far greater than the earth itself.The outcome was inevitable.

It collapsed into a small, yellow sphere about one foot above Gogogounksettoan's head.It took an gigantic fraction of his power to keep it from crushing him, the entire earth, and quite possibly the solar system.

And it kept growing.

But because of it's own gravity, it also kept shrinking.

And, in just a couple of seconds, it managed to break virtually every rule this Universe had.

Reality and Actuality fought.Reality was firmly stepped on, but retaliated by trying to send the offensive matter as far away as possible.But Actuality wouldn't let it, because that tiny little black hole was most definitely there.

So Reality and Actuality compromised.

They sent it as far away as possible, without actually sending it anywhere.

What remained was a large sphere about 8 feet in diameter, hovering just above the ground.A casual observer wouldn't see anything, but a closer look would reveal that this sphere was made up of something that looked a lot like heat waves, so that anything you see through it would ripple.

It was a small space where Reality hadn't quite made up its mind about whether it was here or there.Basically, it was an unstable portal.

The only question is where it leads.

Neither Gogogounksettoan (which includes any of his component people) or Bulma were still there.Misato would have smiled, but she wasn't there either.

In fact, she wasn't anywhere.

At least, not in this Universe.

WOODEN TOY THROW ATTACK!

A hail of toys flew out of the little elf's coat.

**CRASH** **BANG** **SMASH**

"Note to self," said the Christmas-theme monster."Wooden toys are not effective against enemies made of metal.Especially when they use the opportunity to hide behind a stone fountain."

"Arg, this guy is starting to piss me off!" yelled Relena."OK, guys, here's the plan," she whispered."Aye-, I mean, Sandrock and Shen-long, break left with me, run firing your head vulcans.When he turns to follow us, Ry-, damn, I mean Deathscythe and Heavyarms break right and hit him when you get an opening.Alright, lets go!"

Relena, Ayeka, and Celena dashed out from behind their cover, firing as they went.

SUPER WIMPY GUNDAM ZERO SHOULDER CANNONS!

CRAPPY SANDROCK VULCANS!

CRAPPY SHEN-LONG VULCANS!

"Hey, quit shooting at me!Spiked Metal Toys Att-"

SCYTHE SLASH WAVE!

GATTLING GUNFIRE!

Both blasts caught the elf in the back, knocking him to his knees.

"Now!" yelled Relena, "Grab him while he's off balance!"

"Don't need to tell me twice," replied Celena.

SHEN-LONG GRAB!

Both of Celena's arms extended and grabbed onto the elf's shoulders, ramming him into the nearby building.

DUAL SICKLE PIN!

As Celena's arms retracted, both of Ayeka's sickles hit around the elf to form an X, pinning it there.

"Hey," said Relena, "I have a joke for you.Elves like jokes, right?"

"Ah hell, do I have to listen to this?"

"I feel the same way," said Ryoko.

"Oh, shut up.Knock knock."

"Fine, whatever," said the elf petulantly."Who's there?"

"Ian."

"Ian who?"

"Ian about to blow your head off!Super Pretty Gundam Zero-"

DUAL SICKLE RETURN!

"-Beam Attack!"

# Ka-Boom!

Ayeka's sickles flew back to her just a quarter of a second before the beam hit them.All five watched in satisfaction as the smoke cleared and they were showered with a fine spray of elf-bits.

"We," said Relena confidently, "are getting good at this."

The next day started out calm.It should have been a quiet day, since another monster usually wouldn't attack for about another week, more or less.

At school, it was also calm.

When they got home, it was calm.

It was calm when they went to sleep.

In fact, it was calm the whole day.

As was the next day, and the day after that.

The fourth and fifth days were calm.

But on the sixth day, everything went straight to hell.

It started off normal.Relena was woken up by the half-dozen alarms scattered across the room, and then she promptly went and kicked Ryoko out of bed with more force than was strictly necessary.This arrangement was reached by the simple fact that, while both Ryoko and Relena wanted nothing better than to sleep, Relena was much easier to wake up, and once awake, she wasn't about to let anyone else get any sleep when she couldn't.After kicking Ryoko down the stairs, Relena started making breakfast.Once she finished with that, she gave some to Ryoko and took the rest.At this point, Ryo Ohki joined them for some carrots, which, for some reason, seemed to be the only things she ate, never mind the fact that she would violently beat anyone who called her a rabbit.

All this was SOP (Standard Operating Procedure).It was then, however, that the shit hit the proverbial fan.

Both Ryoko and Ryo Ohki paused, and, just for a second, looked at something beyond the wall.Then they both screamed in pain and clutched their heads, as if someone had just brought a hammer down on them.

"If you guys are going for an excuse to stay home from school, this isn't going to work.Try clutching your stomachs."

"Shut up!" yelled Ryoko.This wasn't how she normally talked.Normally, if she said to shut up, you got the feeling that she didn't really mean it, like she was really only joking, and didn't really mind.There was _feeling behind this, the kind that meant that if you didn't obey, she wasn't going to waste another warning."What the hell was that?"_

"It was someone punching a hole in our Universe," replied Ryo Ohki.Far from her normal flippant tone, she sounded very serious, angry, and worried."You should know that."

"I do know that!I want to know who in the Multiverse it was and what they want!"

"So do I!Relena, get over here, I'm gonna break a couple rules.We'll just swing by and pick up the others, and we'll be at the rip in seconds."

"Hey, you're not gonna teleport a mortal, are you?"

"Yes, I am.It might cause a little harm to our reality fabric, but this time it's worth the damage to save some time.Now, here we go.Let's just hope the others are prepared."

"Alright," said Ryo Ohki in her mission-briefing voice (which sounded a lot like some of the stranger generals you sometimes see on TV if you made them talk soprano)."We don't know who just punched that hole, but in all probability, there are some people there who have come through.It's been approximately two minutes since they got here, so they might still be there.Our mission is to find out what they want, and who they are.Usually, Death would be there instead of us, but he's a little busy."

Currently, all five girls and Ryo Ohki were in Celena's bedroom, currently morphed and ready for action.As a setting for a mission briefing, it was undoubtedly odd.Hell, it was odd for a bedroom.Littered around the room were things ranging from cute pink furbies to wooden swords and small models of military equipment designed for efficient death and destruction.As to how all of it got there, she said 'It just accumulated.I don't even remember buying most of it.'

"What do you mean he's a 'little busy?'" asked Ayeka."What could he be doing?"

"Well, Ryo Cody says that when those people came through the gateway, they didn't come alone."

"Who's Ryo Cody?And when did you get a chance to talk with him?" asked Relena.

"Don't display your ignorance, mortal," replied Ryoko."The Ryo- prefix indicates that he's an angel, which means he has telepathic abilities.Why do you think that only we have been able to hear Ryo Ohki?"

"Hmm, I never really thought about that."

"Look, cut the chatter and get ready.Teleporting in three, two, one, gone."

Blink.

"Look," said Vegeta, "We have to go out there sometime.We might as well go now.We need to explore and find out where the hell we are."

The reply to that would never come.

"Hey, guys!" yelled Gohan, "We have company!And I can't sense their power levels!"

"Androids?" asked Goku.

"Probably.Look, they're right over there!"

Standing about twenty meters off were five metal robots, and what seemed like a small rabbit.All five were heading towards them at a slow walk.

"They seem pretty confident," said Goku."Lets go Super Saiyan and see what they do."He looked funny.He bent down and strained.He grunted like he was constipated.He jumped around.He got up and scratched his head."Hmmm, funny thing.I can't seem to go Super Saiyan.Or fly.Or do anything a normal human couldn't do."

"That's ridiculous, you idiot!Let me do it!" Vegetta yelled.He looked funny.He bent down and strained.He grunted like he was constipated.He jumped around."A real Saiyan warrior doesn't need cheap tricks like becoming a Super Saiyan!"

"Uh huh," said Goku suspiciously."Then try flying."

"A real Saiyan warrior doesn't need to fly!"

"What about throwing a ki blast?"

"A real Saiyan warrior doesn't need to throw a ki blast!" replied an increasingly desperate Vegetta.

He was saved from further embarrassment by Relena."Hey, what the hell are you guys talking about?You sound like complete idiots."

"I think they're from a drastically different Universe.They're dealing with the fact that their abilities are dramatically different," said Ryo Ohki."There aren't many places with flying and ki blasts though, but I can't seem to place them.What about you, Ryoko?"

"Um, maybe.Hey, you, skinny guy with huge black hair, your name's Vegtable-o, right?And that guy with the mop-head is, like, carrot-something?"

"How dare you show such disrespect to me.I am the prince of all Saiyans, Vegetta!And this is Kakarot!"

"Oh, yeah, that's it.Sorry.Yeah, I've heard of these guys.They're from a world called Dragonball.Pretty important, especially since it takes its root direct from the Centerverse.It's a bit of a silly place though.People flying, shooting energy beams from their hands powerful enough obliterate planets, giant dragons being summoned to revive people by a bunch of orange crystal balls, hence the name dragonball by the way, stuff like that.It has a certain fame as being the only world where dying is a good thing, but is still feared and loathed.I'd say that in this group, we've got a grand total about 15 deaths."

"Sounds like a pretty screwed up place," said Celena.

"That's putting it mildly," replied Relena."Still, the prospect of having a get-out-of-death-free card is pretty appealing."

"I think we're being insulted," said Goku to his friends.

"What brought that sudden flash of genius?" asked Vegetta acidly.

"That was genius?" asked Ayeka.

"Well, for him," replied Gohan."Hell, he's my dad, but sometimes it gets embarrassing that his idea of stimulating conversation is yelling out an attack name.His great plan to defeat a horrible monster was to let it beat me up until I got mad."

Meanwhile, most of the world moved on.But in one case, it stopped.

Because Santa had come to town.

And he was packing heat.

Santa was angry.Things weren't working out as they were supposed to.Here he was, destroying things, almost hurting people before they ran away, and generally making a big nuisance of himself, and yet none of the Gundam Girls had come to fight him.He was, basically, a peeved monster.If they didn't show up soon, he would actually have to kill someone.

"HO HO HO," he said angrily.

This idea suddenly got a lot better.After all, he thought, I'm a monster, right?I can kill things, can't I?It's my job, isn't it?Hey, wouldn't that granny over there make a perfect target?The one that's slowly crossing the street?

He looked, and he did, indeed, see an old lady crossing the street, being supported by a gnarled old walking staff.

"HO HO HO!" he yelled happily as he started running.

"Eek, oh no, a big scary monster has seen me!I wish I wasn't so slow and unable to defend myself!I must look like a really easy target.I hope it doesn't come over here and try to kill me!After all, I'm sure it's really annoyed and must want to vent some rage, right?"

The Santa monster ran halfway to the old lady before rusty, completely unused segments of his brain began to start working and slowed down the rest of him.Hadn't he thought about the lady before actually seeing her?That wasn't normal, was it?

"HO HO HO?" he said, slightly confused.

"Oh no, could the big, scary, dangerous monster be afraid of a little old lady like me?I'm just so weak and defenseless, he would have to be a coward to pass up such a wonderful opportunity like this.Damnit, get over here and kill a defenseless old lady already!"

This last stopped the monster dead in his tracks.In his, admittedly limited, experience, people didn't ask to be killed, they ran away screaming.Even his incredibly basic brain eventually managed to grasp the fact that there was something very, very wrong about this whole scene.

"HO HO… HO?" he said, even more confused.

"Oh, to hell with it," said the old lady.And then she changed.

Any observer would have had a hard time saying _how_ she changed.They couldn't have named even one single line of her body that altered in any way, but somehow the way they came together was completely different.

Long gray hair became long purple hair that had been in a bad light.Clothes became very different indeed when seen through a better viewpoint.A wrinkled face became a young face that had been badly obscured.And a gnarled old walking staff became, in a way not at all describable, a long, straight quarterstaff.

"Let's rock, dough-boy," said the young woman.

With a sound like the click of a switchblade, a long blade flicked out of the top of the staff, changing it from a good quarterstaff into an excellent scythe.

Misato smiled."Ho.Ho.Ho."

_Truly frightening!But what will happen next time?What is Misato's plan?Who exactly is Misato?And what is Death doing?Will Pan, Goten, or Trunks get speaking roles?What new secrets and plans will be revealed next time?Tune in to find out on the next exciting episode of Gundam MS, "The episode where I try to write myself out of a hole"!_


	8. Enter the Dragon

Gundam MS: Episode 8

# Enter the Dragon

It was over before it had begun.The monster never stood a chance.

Now it wasn't standing at all.

To be precise, it wasn't even alive.

What had been a monster made as a reasonable facsimile of Santa had been cut into at least seven distinct pieces by Misato's deadly scythe slashes.It was quite gruesome, really.

Misato stood several meters away, admiring her handiwork.

_That was dramatic enough, she thought.__Now all I have to do is wait for Tenchi to get here._

"Damnit," she said aloud, "I hate guys who make me wait!"

It definitely would have interested her to know what had happened about half an hour ago.It went something like this:

**********

"About time you showed up," said Epyon."Those damn monsters aren't working at all!And we've got bigger problems than even them!"

"When will you ever learn," sighed Duo."But that doesn't matter now.You felt it, didn't you?"

"Of course I felt it!The whole Universe must have felt it!"

"You realize how important this is, right?If we play our cards right, this could actually give us the win."Duo smiled wickedly."And I've got a trump up my sleeve."Duo drew out a long, gold necklace with a single, large red crystal hanging from it.The crystal was about two inches long and half an inch wide at the middle, and both ends tapered down into a point.It wasn't so much a necklace, as it was a pendant.

"Of course, there is a price…"

If anything, Duo only smiled more.

**********

"Um, Ryo Ohki?" asked Celena."I have question."

"Go ahead.Not like I have anything else to do."

"What exactly are we supposed to do with them?"

The "them" in question were the six people who had come, quite literally, from another Universe.For the past twenty minutes or so the crew had been getting to know their new guests, and had dropped their armor (with the assumption that it wouldn't really matter if these guys knew who they were).After Ryoko learned that Vegetta was even more uptight than Ayeka, she had started teasing him, and right now was still at it.Goten, Gohan, Pan, and Keyonne were sitting nearby and alternately watching the spectacle and casually chatting with each other (until a minute ago, Celena had also been with them).Ayeka and Bulma were discussing some sort of advanced quantum theory, even after Ryo Ohki told her that the physics of the two worlds weren't necessarily the same (and, considering the world involved, almost certainly not the same).Trunks was trying to hit on Relena, while she artfully evaded him in what was probably the only area of expertise she had.Goku had been migrating from group to group as de-facto leader of the DBs, as they were being called, although he was currently investigating the portal he had entered through.He wasn't able to touch it, of course (as Ryo Ohki explained, the portal didn't have any physical presence, it was just a weakness in the fabric of reality, kind of like pushing a pencil through a knit sweater), and the result of his investigation was mostly him acting like an idiot.Everyone else, rather charitably, ignored him.

"Good question.My plan is that since they're not about to do anything really bad, we can just ignore them and wait for Death to finish up."

"Hey, that reminds me!You never told us what Death is doing!"

"Oh, well, he's looking for the other, er, person who came through the portal."

"And who was that?"

Celena's question was never answered, because half a second earlier, Death had just finished.He appeared right in the middle of the group, causing a pretty big commotion in the DBs.

Ryo, er, Ohki, Ryoko, come.We must go now.Relena, you should come too.this will be instructional.

"Aw, do I have to?" whined Relena."I really hate instructional things.Can't I just stay here with Trunks?And the rest of them?"Relena made it clear that the "rest of them" were just an afterthought, and to make it even clearer she shot a flirtatious look at Trunks.Thankfully, he took after his father in that he wasn't a complete idiot about these things, so he got the message (while Bulma had pushed brilliance to a previously undiscovered height, she had found there rather large and specialized pockets of extreme stupidity, as can be seen from the fact that she ever got involved with Vegetta). 

**_THIS IS NO TIME FOR YOU FOOLISH GAMES, RELENA.YOU WILL COME NOW.Relena thought he sounded quite annoyed._**

"You found him?" asked Ryo Ohki excitedly.

"It's a her, isn't it?" asked Ryoko."I know I'm not too familiar with the world, but isn't it a her?"

yes, it is a her.now, let's go.

All four disappeared.

"I wish he wouldn't do that," said Celena."It plays hell with my nerves."

Unfortunately for Celena, her nerves were the last thing she should have been worried about.

**********

Ryoko, Ryo Ohki, and Death reappeared in an empty street.Relena reappeared in a rather large and messy pile of body parts.

"Oh, ICK!GET IT OFF ME!" she yelled.

**_OOPS, said Death.Relena was sure that he smiled.And that he did it on purpose._**

"Hey, let me try to clean it up with my magic!" said Ryoko."I think I should be able to do it.Alright, here goes."After saying that, Ryoko outstretched both arms, and raised her hands so that both her palms faced Relena.She concentrated, and, for a few seconds, nothing happened.

Then, Relena heard a sound.It was like a piece of fabric being slowly ripped in half, only it was just at the bottom of her range of hearing.Then, all of a sudden, the tearing noise grew immensely and then stopped, as if the rest of the fabric had been ripped through all at once.When Relena looked around, the mess was gone.

So were her clothes.

"Oops," said Ryoko.

"EEEEEEEEEEEK!" screamed Relena as she ran at Ryoko while trying to cover herself with her arms."Why the hell did you do that!Get back over here so I can kick your ass!"

"I didn't try to do it!I'm not very good with my magic yet!Death, help me!Give her some clothes!"

Death, who up to this had been staring at something across the street, suddenly started and looked back at them.With a negligent flip of his hand (which, Ryo Ohki had explained before when he did something like this, was just his way of grandstanding, since his magic didn't need any sort of motions), he created a new set of clothes for Relena, exactly the same as they were before.He also shot a quick glare at Ryoko before turning his sights back to what he had been looking at before.

Since Relena figured that she could exact revenge from Ryoko later when she wasn't as prepared, she turned to see what Death was staring at so intently.

It was an old woman, who was at the moment trying hard to stifle her laughter.

When Ryoko saw the woman, she froze.Ryo Ohki had already done so, and was standing stiff while floating in the air.

Relena looked back at the old woman.She was carrying a long, gnarled walking stick, but other than that, she seemed completely normal.Relena was about to ask who this newcomer was, but was interrupted by Death.

**_YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYONE, MISATO, EXCEPT POSSIBLY THE MORTAL.WHY HAVE YOU COME HERE?Death's voice sounded perfectly calm and without emotion, which was remarkable.Relena had heard him irritated, annoyed, happy, enthusiastic, cheerful, and sad, but never emotionless._**

"Because," the woman said, "I have a plan, and I need your help."This was more than odd, in Relena's opinion.Normal old women don't usually ask Death for help.In fact, much of their time is spent trying to find as many ways as possible to impede his natural functions.This was definitely not a normal old lady.

Death appeared to pause and consider this.

Relena leaned over to Ryoko to get some clarification."Hey, who is that lady?" she asked.

"What, you mean you don't know?Hey, we never explained it, did we?Well, she's the Death of the Dragonball world."

"WHAT?"

"Hey, you didn't think we were the only Universe with a Death, did you?Every Universe has one.They don't really think of themselves as 'Deaths,' by the way.They think of themselves as 'Great Regulators.'It's a little complicated, I'll try to explain it more later."

DROP YOUR PROJECTION.

"Hell no!" yelled the old woman Death."It's embarrassing enough only wearing a projection, but there's no way you're going to make me appear in body to a mortal!"

"Hey, I'm an angel!" yelled Relena.

"Only honorary!" yelled Ryo Ohki, Ryoko, and the old woman in unison.

"At least give me the power to appear in form!" continued the woman."It's not that much!"

"Hrumph.I get no respect around here," grumbled Relena."Hey, what are they talking about?What's a projection, and what does it mean to appear in body or in form?"

"Your turn to explain," said Ryoko smugly to Ryo Ohki.

"Fine.A projection is a mental illusion.Right now, Misato, that's her name by the way, is using a projection to alter her appearance.The way you normally see Death is him appearing 'in form', as in 'the form of Death'.Now, when a Death is first made, by his (or her, in this case) Universe being created, he is given a body which all other Deaths see him as.There are only two rules for this body: it must be a person in a Universe who closely matches the personality of the Death, and the person cannot be a member of the Death's own Universe.Deaths consider it a great embarrassment to be seen in body by any but their most trusted angels.And other Deaths, of course."

After that most conveniently timed explanatory speech, Death ended his considering pause.When he spoke again, his voice seemed to shake slightly.

**_WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU HAVE ANY RIGHTS HERE?Before he had even finished that sentence, Relena realized why his voice was shaking.It had suddenly occurred to her that she had never heard him angry._**

Before now, anyway.

With that knowledge, the entire conversation became different.Death's long pauses had not been to consider, but to bring his own anger under control.And now, that anger was escaping, slowly but steadily.

And it wasn't the kind of boiling rage people get before they start throwing and breaking whatever they could get their hands on.This was the kind of hard, sharp, freezing cold rage very dangerous people get just before they commit vicious and calculated acts of destruction.

Death reached out one hand, and abruptly Misato changed.Relena would have had a hard time saying _how she changed. She couldn't have named even one single line of her body that altered in any way, but somehow the way they came together was completely different._

Long gray hair became long purple hair that had been in a bad light.Clothes became very different indeed when seen through a better viewpoint.A wrinkled face became a young face that had been badly obscured.And a gnarled old walking staff became, in a way not at all describable, a long, straight quarter-staff.

Misato clutched at her chest and stared at Death, shocked beyond words.Both Ryo Ohki and Ryoko gave a sharp gasp.Relena looked on in puzzlement."What did he just do?" she asked.

"He… stripped her of her projection…" whispered a stunned Ryoko.Seeing that Relena was still confused, she elaborated."Between Deaths, it's like… someone tearing off your clothes in public.He is very, very mad."

"If she's a Death too, then why doesn't she do something?"

"Because, when she came into this world, she lost all her powers, just like the rest of the DBs!She's just a normal human woman now, although she retains some of her non-magic related abilities, such as skill with the scythe and infinite comprehension."

"Then if she lost her powers, how did she use that disguise?"

"Because!A projection isn't magical, it's a mental trick!Her mind super-imposes on our minds what she wants us to see."  
  


"So anyone could make a projection?"

"Yes, but they couldn't do it as well as she could.Deaths have infinite comprehension, which means that they can remember everything they hear, and keep track of trillions of trillions of trillions of trillions people, and trillions of trillions of Universes.They can grasp any number of things, no matter how many.They don't know everything, but if anyone ever told them everything, then they would.You might be able to alter the color of your hair slightly if you concentrated, but not much more than that."

"Hey, I just missed what she said!Why didn't you stop talking?"

"She said, 'I apologize for what I did, I wasn't aware you would take it so badly, please allow me to explain.'Angels have higher levels of comprehension than humans.So do demons.We can listen to three conversations at once easily, even though we can only participate in one."

VERY WELL.LET US GO AND SPEAK OF THIS.YOU THREE, WAIT HERE.

And both Death and Misato were gone.

Relena sighed, and sat down on the pavement."I wonder what the others are doing right about now?Probably having one hell of a good time."

She couldn't have been further from the truth.

**********

"I wonder what the others are doing right about now?" asked Keyonne.

"Why are you worried about them at a time like this?" yelled Ayeka.

"The fact that they have the only two people who could help explain this is my main reason," answered Keyonne.

The 'this' in question was the slowly collapsing portal.It had been gradually shrinking for a while, and was now slowly pulsating and giving off an occasional blast of some sort of electric energy.

"Well, from what I gathered using my scanner this portal is unstable," said Ayeka with reasonable calmness."So I think that it's loosing it's hold.Reality can't exist in a state of uncertainty forever, so it's slowly repairing itself.When it finishes, this portal will probably be destroyed."

"Which means we can't get home," said Gohan.

"Which would be bad," continued Trunks.

"Very, very bad," said Pan.

"Hey, I need to get a couple things straight," interrupted Goten."You're the only ones with robot-powers, right?"

"Yeah," answered Keyonne hesitantly, not quite sure where he was going.

"And it's impossible to fly without such powers, right?"

"Well, unless you've got a plane, yes," answered Ayeka.

"That isn't a plane, is it?" asked Goten, as he pointed straight behind them.

Flying in the air was what looked like a man-sized Dragon, and while it was still some way away, it was getting closer fast.

"What the heck is that?" asked Pan.

Ayeka whipped out her pocket scanner."My scanner says that it's not a plane."Keyonne and Celena just looked at her, wondering why she needed a scanner to tell the most obvious of things."I sense a great amount of energy from it.It's not a Gundam, but the architecture looks similar, although much more complicated.I can't tell anything else about it."

"I can," said Celena, rather breathlessly."It's the White Guymelef… The Dragon… Escaflowne…" She took several hesitant steps forward, and then stopped."It… it… AHHHHHHH!"As Celena screamed in pain, she dropped to one knee.Her hair seemed to ripple and shift.

"Hey, are you alright?" yelled out Keyonne.

"That's not normal, is it?" asked Goku."I mean, is that how you guys transform or something?"Everyone else stared at him for a couple seconds.Vegetta slapped him on the back of his head.

"Does anyone have any _intelligent_ contributions to make?" he asked, dripping with sarcasm.

Ayeka brought her scanner to bear on the shaking Celena."I don't know what's wrong with her.It's some kind of reaction that's hurting her!"

"Why the hell do we even bother with you?" asked Keyonne."You're totally pointless!Even I could have told you that!The only contributions you've made with that thing is to say that something is hurting Celena, and that the white thing is a powerful robot!"

Ayeka was about to respond to her criticisms, when Celena stopped shaking.There was definitely something different about her.Her hair seemed strange, and her clothes didn't seem to fit as well as they had.She was still kneeling though."Celena?" Ayeka asked cautiously.

Celena stood, still facing away from the party.Then she turned her head.

And it wasn't her face.

"Celena?" said Dilandou questioningly.

How has Celena transformed into Dilandou?What will the pyro-boy do?Who is in Escaflowne?Do you really care, considering that these questions could be answered by anyone with the least knowledge about this series?For those who don't, the answers (in order) are doesn't matter, burn and kill stuff, and large family car.But still, tune in next time for episode 9, "The episode where I don't reveal Misato's plan but still string you along!"


	9. Fire and Light, Red and White

Gundam MS: Episode 9

Fire and Light, Red and White

Dilandou chuckled."You're all dead, you know that?I'd kill you now, but I don't have time.I have a friend to meet."He chuckled even more evilly."I never thought I would ever be grateful to Escaflowne for anything, but it gave me the stimulus I needed to finally get free of that damn girl.Ugh, I feel dirty just by association!She's so… so… _nice!And __demure!Oh well, at least it's over now."Dilandou straightened, and faced dead ahead."Oreades, lend me your power!"_

For a second, nothing seemed to happen.Then, a fire exploded underneath Dilandou, completely consuming him in a matter of moments.When it was gone, he was left in a sleek, ornate, and red robot.Very red.When he talked, his voice echoed oddly.

"I'm coming, Escaflowne!You'll feel the heat of my flames!"So saying, he leapt into the air, and both his legs came together to form a flying jet.With a sudden blast of air and maniacal laughter, he flew off into the distance towards the white dragon.

For a minute, they all just stood there.Then Goku opened his mouth.

"That's not normal, is it?"

Everyone just stared.

"You know," said Keyonne hesitantly, "you could probably give Relena a run for her money in the sheer stupidity department."

"Impossible!" yelled Vegetta."No one could be as senseless and moronic as Goku!"

"Want to set up a betting pool?" asked Keyonne hopefully."I got 15 on Relena."

"Sure!" said Gohan."I've got 40 on dad."

"Hey!" yelled an angry Goku."I'll put 20 on Relena!I'm sure I'm smarter than her!"

"Shouldn't we be worrying about Celena?" asked Ayeka."Oh, and 30 on Relena."

"Don't worry, I'm sure she'll be fine," said Goten."Or he.Whatever.It'll work out.These things always do.Also, I've 20 on dad.I'd put down more, but that's all the money I have.I don't suppose we can make a pool for bitchiest mom?Mine'd win without trying."

"Sorry, we don't have a competitor there," answered Keyonne."Alright now, everyone form a line to put down your bets…"

**********

Relena was bored.She had nothing to do, and her only two companions were sitting around discussing something about the fabric of Reality that totally over her head.

"Hey, guys, what kind of clothing could you make out of Reality fabric?"

"Real clothing," replied Ryo Ohki without breaking stride."Now, Ryoko, I'm sure that portal will collapse eventually…"

Relena sighed.She couldn't even get them to insult her!Not that she was entirely joking, of course, but even she knew something _that stupid was, well, stupid._

"The others are probably having a _fabulous time…" she moaned._

Well, most of them were, but only because they were unaware just how much danger they were in.

**********

Dilandou and Escaflowne danced across the landscape in a battle of both magic and metal.Fireballs flew out of Dilandou's fists to meet bolts of lightning lobbed by Escaflowne's sword.Attacks that were not met in the air crashed to ground in spectacular explosions, close to but never quite hitting their target.Then, after exchanging fire, the two figures would close in and clash sword-to-sword, showering sparks on the countryside.After a particularly fierce clash, the two figures parted to rest and exchange boasts, as per fighting tradition.

"Who are you anyway?" asked Escaflowne."What are you doing here?And how did you get a guymelef?"

"Hmph," said Dilandou contemptuously."Poor child.You have no idea of the power of that suit.Why won't you use it to it's full?Why do you insist on being weak?Oh well, it can't hurt to tell you my name.I am Dilandou, master of the Oreades!And who are you, boy?"

"My name is Van Fanel!I will destroy you as my girlfriend ordered!"

"Hah, so you're that stupid kid!Then… Hitomi must be Epyon.Ha ha ha ha ha!This will be interesting!I wonder what they'll do when they find out, huh?"

"How do you know that?Who's 'they'?"

"I used my brain, something you ought to learn about.And you didn't answer my other question.Why are you… fighting… it…" Dilandou trailed off, and then broke into laughter again."Ha ha ha ha ha!Of course, why didn't I figure it out sooner?You're fighting it because you don't want to pay the price for its power.Van, you're a weak fool.You should embrace it as I have!The strength it gives is incredible!"

"If I'm so weak, then how come I've held my own against you so far?You're full of crap!"

"So, that's what you think?Well, I've got a secret for you.I've been taking it easy on you.So lets go for real!Burn in my fire!"Dilandou blasted into the sky and released a huge shower of fireballs, which crashed around Van, each erupting into a giant column of blossoming flame.A small shield of lightning held around Van, barely able to protect him.After several seconds, the barrage stopped, and Van straightened up to see where Dilandou had gone.

In fact, gone was a very appropriate term.

Van looked all around, up and down, but couldn't see his opponent anywhere.After about thirty seconds, he decided that Dilandou had fled, but as he turned to leave, he caught something in the corner of his eye.

It was the sun.A bright, brilliant ball of yellow that hurt his eyes to look at directly.

But if he turned his head just to the side, he could see a bright, red dot in the middle, which looked disturbingly like a man with both hands stretched above his head.

"Dilandou!You bastard!Get down here and fight like a man!"

"So, finally found me Van?Well, I've got a present for you!It's a history lesson.You'll like this one."

"I don't have time for games!" Van yelled.He pointed his sword straight up and shot a single lightning bolt with all his power straight at Dilandou.

It shattered into a hundred shards before it got halfway there.

"You'll have to do better than that, Van!Now, for my lesson.You see, several thousand years ago, I found a small, red crystal, just like the one you have.Mine contained the power of Oreades, just as yours contains Escaflowne.I fully embraced the power, and eventually the price took its toll.But it didn't matter, because I was invincible, just as I am now!"

For some reason, Van felt as though some sort of pressure was building up, like the feeling you get when you're in an airplane that's steadily climbing.

"So," Dilandou continued, "the people of my world began to fear me.They thought I was a destructive menace.Which I was, and still am.Unfortunately, they knew that they didn't have the power to defeat me.So, they bound me instead, and sent me into a perfect container.That girl's family has passed me down for generations, going from mother to daughter for a thousand years.But eventually, all that was bound to take its toll on them as well.Whereas I am cruel, evil, and sadistic, they gradually became more and more kind, gentle, and altruistic.Truly disgusting, in my opinion. Thankfully, though, the nicer they became, the weaker they were.This girl was the epitome of that weakness, and I was able to break free occasionally, if only temporarily.Now, though, I am free forever!While I was trapped, all I wanted was release, and that remains true now.But there's no way I'm going to hell alone!You're all coming with me!HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

**********

"What's taking Death so long anyway?" asked Relena impatiently."What's he talking about?"

**_THAT IS NOT FOR YOU TO KNOW._**

"Great, appear behind me.You really have to work on your entrance.No flashy lights or sounds or anything.Couldn't you grandstand a bit more?"

"He's not an amateur, mortal," said Misato angrily."He doesn't need tricks.Besides, seeing you jump like that was mildly amusing.Ever consider going to the Olympics?"

"Oh, shut up."

SHE'S JUST ANNOYED THAT I HAVE FORCED HER TO APPEAR IN BODY.

"Oh, get off it, Tenchi!I'm only annoyed because of the principle of the thing.It's not really all that embarrassing when you consider the level of intelligence held by mortals in general, and this one in particular."

I AM SURE YOU HAVE MUCH EXPERIENCE WITH THE STUPIDITY OF MORTALS.

"Hey, that was a cheap shot!I like it.You might have some backbone in you after all."

JUST BECAUSE I AM HELPING YOU DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU BULLIED ME INTO IT.

"Yes it does.Remember how mad you were?I bet it's because you knew that I was going to make you do what I wanted, not because you were mad at me for threatening your world."

ADEPT AS ALWAYS, MISATO.OF COURSE, YOU FORGET THAT THE MAIN REASON I'M HELPING YOU IS SO THAT MY WORLD IS NOT DESTROYED ALONG WITH YOURS.YOUR REPUTATION IS… NOT EXACTLY STELLAR.

"It's not my fault the others are so damn… damn…"

I BELIEVE THE WORD IS 'SANE.'

"I was thinking more along the lines of 'boring.'"

AH, AS OPPOSED TO YOU.

"That's right._They_ are boring, whereas _I am-"_

**_WEIRD?CRAZY?A FOOL?_**

"Hrmph.I would use the word 'exciting.'"

"That's funny," interrupted Relena."I didn't know you two were married."

Everyone froze.

Ryo Ohki and Ryoko stared at Misato and Death.Misato and Death stared at Relena.

"Uh… was it something I said?" asked Relena weakly.

They still froze.The tension was thick enough to cut a knife, or at least keep it stuck indefinitely.

Abruptly, Misato erupted into laughter, and the tension drained from the scene.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!I haven't been tagged like that in centuries!There might be more to you than there seems!"

"Ah, it's a gift."

"Of course, there probably isn't.After all, I wasn't the one running around without any clothes."

"Well I wasn't the one who left a big pile of chopped up monster guts in the middle of the street."

"Yeah, you weren't.You should remember that."

"Ouch, you recover fast, don't you?"

"Ah, it's a gift.Hey, Tenchi?"

**_YES?_**

"I know I you probably are aware, but…"

YES, MISATO, I AM AWARE.AFTER ALL, I AM A DEATH, NOT AN IDIOT.

"Just making sure.You wouldn't be too happy if he succeeded, would you?"

GIVE ME A LITTLE CREDIT.BUT YOU'RE RIGHT, WE MUST HURRY.

"We can't do it until you give me back my full power!"

WHAT, AND RISK YOU STABBING ME IN THE BACK?I'M NOT UP TO TAKING THAT KIND OF CHANCE.BESIDES, IT WON'T BE NECESSARY.WE CAN USE MY PAIR OF ANGELS TO ROUND OUT YOUR SLIGHT LACK.

"Hey, boss," said Ryoko, "I'm not an angel.I'm a demon, remember?"

WHATEVER.HONORARY ANGEL THEN.RYO OHKI, RYOKO, LET'S GO.OH, AND RELENA, GO BACK TO THE OTHERS AND TELL THEM NOT TO LEAVE THAT PLACE.

"Why-" Relena began.

Then they were gone.

**********

# Ryo Ohki, Ryoko, Death, and Misato stood-

No, that's the wrong word.They didn't exactly _stand.They __existed.You can't really stand if you don't have a body, and you couldn't have a body where they were.Which isn't to say that they didn't have bodies, of course, it's just that those bodies couldn't follow them to their current location.It's complicated.Ryo Ohki would probably tell you to take a 500 year course in advanced Reality mechanics, but you could probably get by with only 200 years if you were really smart and studied hard._

Anyway, Ryo Ohki, Ryoko, Death, and Misato _existed in a circle-_

No, that's not quite right either.There wasn't really geometry where they were, and it could just as well be said that they sto-, I mean, existed, in a line.But their mentality was definitely that of a group in a circle.After all, powerful magic always requires the participants to stand in a circle, and this was the most powerful of all.So powerful that it takes _two virtually omnipotent entities, because virtually isn't quite good enough._

As I was saying, Ryo Ohki, Ryoko, Death, and Misato _existed in a circle-ish formation.They existed in a plane just below the skin of Reality, where only Deaths could go (of course, they could bring others along with them for a short time, but nothing else could go alone).Slowly, they gathered their powers, and then merged them together._

**********

"-me?" finished Relena.

"Yes, it is you," said Keyonne."You're really making progress since last week."

"Wow, she really is dumb," said an amazed Trunks."Can I get my money back?"

"Nope," answered Keyonne.

"What money?What are you guys talking about?"

"We made a betting pool on who was stupider, you or Goku," answered Ayeka."Unfortunately, our debates have ended in a stalemate.You're brilliant at personal relationships, while Goku is brilliant at kicking the crap out of people, or at least conveniently finding strange new powers that weren't in him three minutes ago at the last possible second.You're both idiots about everything else."

"We were going to have a stupidity-off," continued Gohan, "but that was sort of difficult without you here."

"Did I ever tell you guys how mean you are to me?"

"Yes," answered Keyonne and Ayeka in unison.

"Great."

"Hey, _I_ don't think you're stupid," fawned Goten."In fact-"

"Oh, shove it.By the way, Death said for all of us to stay here.I assume something is going to happen and that we aren't supposed to go anywhere.Oh, and I'll put down twenty on my being stupider than Goku."

Everyone was shocked.Goten managed to recover first though."Why on earth are you betting on yourself?"

"Hey, I know my place, even if it _is at the bottom.I'm not about to throw money away just because of a delusion that I have any intelligence."_

**********

"What do you mean?" cried out Van."Why are we all going to die?"

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!You fool!What do you think I've been doing all this time, huh?I've been gathering my power for one last world-destroying blast!You must be able to feel it.Like a pressure building up on your eardrums, right?"

Van realized he _could feel it, he just hadn't known what it meant.In terror, he gathered all his power into his sword, every once he could take safely, formed one giant lightning bolt, and launched it at Dilandou.That single bolt could have destroyed an entire city, and killed nearly everyone in the blast radius._

It disappeared into nothing just over halfway to Dilandou.

"You'll have to do better than that!But you won't have time, will you?HA HA HA HA HA HA!Burn in my fire you fool!All of you, BURN!ULTRA… KING…"

**********

Death took hold of the power coming from the other three.He formed it and shaped it into what he needed.There were no incantations.Those were for people who needed them.He was far beyond that level.

**********

"Hey," asked Pan, "Do you guys see something over there?A bright red light?"

"Now that you mention it, I do," answered Ayeka."But it's pretty faint.Does everyone else see it too?"

There were varied shouts of "I do" and "I don't", although the "I do"s outnumbered the "I don't"s pretty heavily.

"Somehow, I don't like this," said Ayeka slowly."I'm going to break out my scanner."

Everyone else groaned."Not that useless thing again," mumbled Relena."You know, for a genius, you can be damn dense sometimes."

******* ***

"SUPER… POWER…"

Van looked on in horror as Dilandou started glowing.There was nothing he could do except reach for Escaflowne's full power.Even though there was a terrible price, he had to do it.Even though she had turned evil, he still had to protect Hitomi.

Even though he knew that it was too little, too late.

**********

Death carefully manipulated the energy he was receiving.Even for him, the tiniest mistake could- well, it couldn't _kill_ him, not as such, but it _could_ obliterate his entire Universe, and, without that Universe to act as his focus, he would cease to exist.So he was careful.Perhaps overly careful, but that didn't matter.

It was almost ready now…

**********

"Oh my God!" yelled Ayeka, "There's an immense buildup of magical power several miles to the west!That's the direction Dilandou and Escaflowne flew off in!There's also a general rise in magic power, but I can't pinpoint the source.It almost looks like it's coming from the entire Universe.Unfortunately, I think I _can_ pinpoint the target."  
  


"Well, where is it?" yelled someone in the crowd.

"It's right here!The power is nearly off the scale, but I think this is only the fringe!Whatever it is, it's infinitely more powerful than the first one, and that first one is enough to destroy this entire planet!"

"So, in summary, we're screwed," said Relena.

"I hate to agree with you, but yeah," answered Ayeka.

**********

"MEGA… DEATH…"

Van knew that the next word would finish the spell.This was all the time he had.It wouldn't be nearly enough, but lost causes were the only causes worth fighting for, right?His only chance was that Dilandou wasn't paying him any attention.

_Not even the price could make me insane enough to believe that_, he thought, and smiled.

He stopped charging and raised his sword to throw his last lightning bolt.

**********

Death finished shaping.It was now or never.

**_DONE, he said, and released the magic._**

Everything stopped.

The Universe vibrated like a plucked guitar string.

**********

The Universe vibrated like a plucked guitar string.

Everyone standing around the portal fell to the ground clutching their heads in pain.

When they got up, they saw two things.First, the old portal had stopped pulsating, and was now even clearer than it was when it first arrived.You could only see it if you knew what you were looking for.It looked like a small, isolated patch of mild heat waves, so that anything you saw through it weaved back and forth.

The second was more startling.It was a new portal, just like the old one, about twenty feet to the side, and just as clear.

"Why am I getting a bad feeling this?" asked Keyonne.

**********

Dilandou prepared to say the final word in his grand spell, and send a ball of flame spiraling to earth that would destroy it completely.He felt only happiness that he would soon go to hell with an escort worth of him.

Van's sword almost reached its peak, where he would let his bolt fly.He felt only regret that it would not be enough, and that he and Hitomi would perish.

FLARE, Dilandou thought, and then yelled it.

Or tried to, anyway.

Before he could even get out the first sound, the Universe vibrated like a plucked guitar string.

Both of them would have screamed, except that they both passed out from the pain almost before they knew it existed.

Van collapsed with a metallic crunch.Dilandou fell from the sky like, well, a several ton object that suddenly didn't have engines supporting it anymore.He hit the ground with a crash.Both of their armors disappeared back into the crystals around their necks.

Several seconds later, Duo appeared above them, and stared down, smiling.In his hands, he played with a golden circlet.He floated down so that he hovered just over Dilandou, and smiled wickedly down at him.

"It's time to play my last trump, Dilandou."Slowly, grinning like a maniac, he placed the circlet over Dilandou's head.

What does the circlet do?Where does the second portal lead?Will this series get interesting soon?You never know!Tune in to find out the answer to at least one of those questions, in the next episode, "The episode where I finally stick back in Heero and Sasami, and thereby get to make fun of Tux Mask and Rini (give me any bullshit about proper names and I'll kick your ass) by association!"I bet you just can't wait!


	10. Inventing the Future

Gundam MS: Episode 10

Inventing the Future

Two figures talked quietly with each other.One, a short girl who looked like an average high school student.The other, a taller boy with a long braid down his back.Both were completely normal, except that the boy was floating several inches off the ground.In front of them were two figures sprawled out on the floor, completely unconscious.

"How long will they stay asleep?" asked the girl impatiently."They're no good to us like this."

"Hee hee," giggled the boy."How much you've changed since we first met!You're the perfect evil mastermind now.Do you even care now that it's because of my influence?"

"Would you ask me that if you thought I did?"

"Of course not.Be patient.Even if they were awake, we couldn't use them yet anyway."

"But will they be ready for when we do need them?"

"You have so much left to learn, Hitomi," sighed the boy."The effects will wear off in about a day.That's around the time we need to move anyway."

"How come they got knocked out like this while we only got a mild headache?"

"Hmmm, an intelligent question for once!It's because they were in the middle of casting intense magical spells.That left them wide open for the shockwave.Imagine what you felt, only multiplied by a thousand.There's no physical harm on either of them, just mental shock."

"This had better work, Duo."

"And if it doesn't, what then?You can't hurt me.Even if you harmed this body, it wouldn't do much more than annoy me.Demons are beings of pure energy, and this body is just a shell I use to communicate with you humans.I'm not about to tell you how to kill a demon.You can defeat Relena and her friends easily enough without that."

"Even Ryoko?"

"Yes, even her."

**********

"Ugh, as if one portal wasn't bad enough!" yelled Vegetta."I don't care what your Death told you, I am going back to my world!"

"Wait," yelled Goku, "the portal might not be safe!"

"Doubtful," said Ayeka."Now that it's stopped contracting, I think it's stable.I think that, for some reason, the second one is also stable."

"Alright then, goodbye and bad luck!I am going home!"

Vegetta didn't move.He stood still, gazing around him angrily.

"Um," Vegetta said hesitantly, "which one was our portal again?"

"That one," everyone else said, and pointed towards a portal.

The problem was that they didn't all point to the _same_ portal.There were almost equal numbers pointing to each portal.

"Great," said Vegetta."Looks like we're stuck here."

"Why don't we just go in one of them and come back if it's the wrong one?" asked Goku.

"HAVEN'T YOU BEEN LISTENING?" screamed Bulma."The second portal may lead to a Universe where we can't even survive!It might lead out into space, or over a cliff, or some other icky, nasty, horrible thingy!"

"I was with you up till the end," said Ayeka.

"Well," Relena said, "I think we should just wait for Death to come back."

**_WHY WAIT?_**

"WOULD YOU STOP DOING THAT!" screamed Relena, turning around to face Death and his entourage.

"Hee hee!" giggled Misato."I'm never going to get tired of seeing you jump like that."

"Hey, I'm back!" said Ryoko happily."Miss me?"

"No," replied Vegetta and Ayeka in unison.

"You guys need to focus.Where's Celena?" asked Ryo Ohki.

"Hey, good question," said Relena."I haven't seen her."

"Um, she sorta turned into a crazy pyromaniac and flew off to go fight a dragon," said Goku.

"I'm pretty sure that there are some gaps there I could use filled in," said Relena."Mind expanding on it?"

"Strangely enough, Goku has the basic facts about right, although I think the presentation could use some work," lectured Ayeka."To tell the truth, I don't know what happened either.My scanner couldn't make heads or tails of it.Maybe Death could explain it to us?"

Everyone turned to stare at Death.Unfortunately, his attention was riveted elsewhere.Namely, the combined glares of Ryo Ohki and Ryoko.He was even starting to look a little sheepish.

"You didn't," said Ryo Ohki.

"You know it's not time yet!" said Ryoko.

"There's only so much distortion this Universe can take!" said Ryo Ohki.

"Dilandou wasn't supposed to make his first appearance for another month!" said Ryoko.

"And he definitely wasn't supposed to appear right in front of them!" yelled Ryo Ohki.

"This totally ruins the third plot arc!" yelled Ryoko.

Ryo Ohki and Ryoko paused to take a much-needed breath, and Death chose that moment to try and fit in a word edgewise.

IT WAS NECESSARY.HE IS NEEDED NOW.THERE IS NO IRREPARABLE DAMAGE.

The two started up again without even wavering.

"You can't keep fooling around like this," said Ryo Ohki.

"I'll admit that these are extraordinary circumstances," said Ryoko

"But that's no excuse!" yelled Ryo Ohki.

"If you keep going like this, we may end up in big, big trouble!" yelled Ryoko.

DON'T WORRY.THIS PLAN ONLY REQUIRES ONE MORE MAJOR ALTERTION.

"What's that?" both asked in unison, albeit rather skeptically.

Death didn't answer.Instead, he raised his hand.Space and time ran together like maple syrup, bending to the will of their master.Atoms exploded into showers of elemental particles.Molecules shattered and formed.Planets altered their orbits.Stars died and were born.Time itself ran like water, forward and backward.In the end, after all things had run their course, after they had canceled themselves out, only one thing had changed.

Heero and Sasami walked around the edge of a hill and into sight.

"What's with all the weirdos?" asked Heero.

"Oh, no," groaned Ryo Ohki and Ryoko in tandem.

**********

While Misato, Death, Ryo Ohki and Ryoko were trying to explain the deeper truths about how this particular world works, the others were involved in a slightly shallower contemplation. 

"Are you sure this test will work?" asked Trunks."If we're going to use this as a test to see whether Relena is stupider than Goku, which, I must add, I don't think is possible, then it had better work like it's supposed to."

"Of course," said Ayeka."With Bulma's help, it was easy to devise a 300-question test that would accurately show any person's intelligence factor.It's more than comprehensive enough for any application.We used the geometric constant for-"

"Whoa, no details," said Trunks."I'm just worried that given the attention span of our targets, 300 questions may be a little too much."

Bulma and Ayeka stared at each other."Oops," they said in unison.

Meanwhile, Heero was finally getting through the bickering of his teachers and latching onto the main message.

"Alright," said Heero, "Let me see if I've got this straight.You want to give me a robot morpher and send me through a portal?"

"No no no," said Misato, "we're giving you a robot morpher-"

"Magic Wand," corrected Ryo Ohki.

"-robot morpher for you to use as a guardian for this planet," finished Misato with barely a pause."We're sending _Sasami_ through the portal."

"You're sending my _sister_ through?" asked Heero in indignation."But it might be dangerous!"

"I'd be glad to go!" bubbled Sasami."I love everything!It's all so much fun!Wheee!Aren't I so cute?"

"On the other hand," considered Heero, "I am getting a little sick of this babysitting gig… especially since my parents aren't paying me…You're sure she won't be in any trouble?"

IF SHE DIES, THE REST OF US WILL SOON FOLLOW.THE ADDITIONAL RISK FOR HER IS MINIMAL.

"From anyone else, I'd be a little skeptical," said Heero, "but somehow, coming from Death, that doesn't seem so unbelievable.Alright, let's do it."

Over in the other corner…

"Now, that should do it," said Bulma.

"Yeah, down to fifty questions.Now, you guys have to do your best, or it won't work!"

"Alright, don't worry," said Relena."I don't need to cheat to prove my own stupidity!Finally, a test I'm _supposed_ to do bad on!I've waited my whole life for this moment."

"Alright then," said Ryo Ohki, "everyone gather around.Here's the plan."Both groups came together, merging into a cross between a huddle and a classroom."We're sending Bulma, Ayeka, and me through the portal to Dragonball, where we can enter the Room of Spirit and Time.There, Bulma and Ayeka can invent a device that allows us to keep our powers when we go across Universes.I'm going with them to make sure they have all the knowledge they need about Universe mechanics.They'll come back with two of them and give those to Sasami and Gohan, who will go through the other portal.In the meantime, Relena and Goku can take that revised test you made for them.Oh, and I've got 50 on Relena."

"What on earth do you want with money?" asked Ryoko."It's not like you use it for anything."

"I know, but it's mostly just to annoy her," responded Ryo Ohki.

"Oh, good point," said Ryoko."I've got 50 on Relena too."

"Hey!Quit that!" yelled Relena."It's one thing when I insult myself, but when you guys do it it's just mean!"

"Hey, aren't we forgetting something here?" asked Gohan."The Room of Spirit and Time was destroyed!It can't be entered anymore!"

"Well, technically yes," said Misato."However, you forget that the Room spontaneously regenerates every 1000 years, which would be right… about… now."

"It does?" asked Gohan.

"It does now," said Misato smugly.

"Hey, but they won't have any materials to make inventions there," said Trunks."They'll only have what they bring with them."

"Oh, not true!" said Misato."The Room will generate anything the occupants need for their endeavor.If they're only there to train, then it only makes food.But if they're there to invent, then it makes parts too."

"It does?" asked Trunks.  
  


Misato sighed."It does now.How long will it take you guys to figure this stuff out?I control reality.Good lord, you're dense."

**_CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS ALREADY?THE CORRECT PORTAL IS OVER THERE, said Death, pointing to one of the portals._****_NOW GET GOING.I WANT TO SEE WHO WINS THIS TEST._**

"Hrmph, of course _you_ do," grumbled Misato.

**********

"This sucks," said Misato."Commander Ikari _would be away at a time like this.He spends more time elsewhere then he does here.Ritsuko, any progress?"_

"Sorry, but no.We're using all three Magi, but for some reason we can't figure out anything.Apparently none of the mechanical instruments can even tell that anything happened.The only ones who sensed anything seem to be the living."

"Yeah, but it was all the living.Every damn person on Earth.I don't like this.Find the pilots and keep them on standby in the Evas."Misato turned away, and began to leave, muttering under her breath."No, I don't like this at all."

**********

"HA HA HA HA HA HA!I win!I'm stupider!"It was probably an odd thing to celebrate about, but Relena had a tendency to grab onto any source of stability she could.

"See, I told you that you shouldn't have bet on me," said Goku."I'm not a _complete idiot.I'm smarter!"_

"Yeah, by one freaking question, Damnit," said Goten.

"You want to tell them, or should I?" asked Misato.

GO AHEAD.I WOULDN'T WANT TO SPOIL YOUR FUN.

"Alright then.Hey guys, listen up!I'm afraid the test wasn't really very accurate."

"Why not?" asked Relena."I won!It's perfectly accurate!"

"Of course you won.That's why it isn't accurate.The test was administered in this Universe, and here, one of the major laws is that no one is stupider than you.In my Universe, the same is true for Goku.In order for the test to be correct, it has to be administered in a neutral Universe, with no laws regarding intelligence for either of you."

"Great.You mean I have to take this stupid test _again?" whined Relena_

**_THANKFULLY, NO.Relena perked up a bit._****_HOWEVER, YOU WILL HAVE TO TAKE A DIFFERENT TEST. Relena looked depressed again._**

"You guys hate me, don't you?" she said.

"Hey guys, we're back!You finish the test thingy yet?" called out Bulma.

"Yeah mom, but the results were invalid," said Trunks."You see, there's this reality difference and-"

"Hee hee," giggled Bulma, "isn't my son so cute when he tries to be smart?"

"Damnit mom, I'm practically in College now!Would you leave me the hell alone?Besides, I don't see _you flying around saving the world, do I?"_

"Did you guys make the device yet?" said Sasami, managing the very difficult feat of enthusiastically bubbling while asking a question."I wanna go to another world!It'll be fun!Yay!"

"And _I want to get rid of her," said Heero."She might be my sister, but she grates on my nerves like hell."_

"You know swearing is only going to get censored," said Ryoko."Why bother in the first place?"

"Because it makes me feel better.Who cares if anyone can hear me?"

"Ooooooh, it does?" asked Relena."Let me try: Shit!Damn!Hell!You know, I think it actually works.Cool!I mean, crap!"

"I hate to break up this bonding session, but we had better get this damn show on the proverbial road," interrupted Ryo Ohki."Ayeka, give them the devices."

"Okay.We made two of them, just the number needed.But be careful with these things, they're very fragile.If you damage yours, you won't be able to use it, and you'll revert to a normal human."

"I don't think normal can be applied to someone like Sasami," said Ryoko."Now I know why you leapt at the chance to get away from her, rabbit."

"NO ONE CALLS ME A RABBIT!"

"What a cute little bunny Ryo Ohki is!" Sasami bubbled, again.She probably never stopped bubbling except when she was asleep, and even then she managed to breathe in a bubbly fashion."Wheeeeee!Everything is happy!I'm going through the portal!Bye bye!"

Seeing as how Ryoko was busy keeping a hold on a slathering-mad Ryo Ohki, Misato stepped in to continue the brief."Before you go, use your morpher, remember?And Gohan, try out your device a little before you go through, just to make sure it works.Now, when you get there, you'll have to get the attention of their Death, so just do something big.He'll probably be hostile.DO NOT TRY TO FIGHT HIM!Instead, just say one word: 'Digimon.'That should be all you need."

"Uh alright," said Gohan."Say Digimon to him.And if it doesn't work, kick his ass, right?"

YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO KILL HIM, OR EVEN DAMAGE HIM.

"The power of justice and the human heart will win every time!I know this to be true," said Gohan confidently.

"Don't bother trying," said Misato."The most we can hope for is for him to say the word before attacking.I know these people.They really don't have a sense of self-preservation."

AT LEAST I WILL NOT BE SUCH A GREAT LOSS IF THEY ARE KILLED.

"Yeah.Your one especially."

I DO NOT MAKE ALL THE RULES.THESE STORIES MUST HAVE ONE LIKE HER, IF ONLY TO MAKE THE OTHERS SLIGHTLY MORE TOLERABLE IN COMPARISON.

"Too true, my friend.Well, this is it.Put on your devices, and get ready!"

Gohan and Sasami clipped the devices the two braniancs had made onto their clothes while Ayeka tried to fit in some explanation edgewise.Each device looked like an oval about six inches long and two wide, with many sci-fi type decorations and colored lines over it."You see, each device creates a small, dimensional barrier around your bodies, segregating you from whatever reality is outside.Since, inside the barrier, the most prevalent reality is from you and your Universe, that is the reality which governs you.You didn't understand a word I just said, did you?"

Various forms of "no" came out of the assembled crowd.

"Yes," said Bulma.

"You helped me make the thing!Of course you understand!"

"Jeez, no need to be uppity about it," responded Bulma.

Ayeka sighed."Oh, just get on with it.Bye, go, leave."

"Alright then," said Gohan."Time to get this show on the road."Slowly, he floated into the air, a look of happiness on his face.Crossing his arms, he erupted into Super Saiyan 2."Ha!My power is back!It works!"

"Of course!" said Bulma."I helped make it, you know!"

"My turn!" yelled Sasami."Pink Sugar Wing Gundam Transformation!"The requisite (pink) light shone out of her, and when it left, Sasami was in a tiny, child-sized, and very pink Wing Gundam. "This is gonna be such fun!Let's go!Whee!"

Floating back down to the ground, Gohan turned to face the portal, while Sasami walked up next to him."Remember the attack names I told you!" yelled out Ryoko.

"Ha, Don't worry!" bubbled Sasami."Let's go have some fun!"

Confidently, Gohan and Sasami walked through the portal, not caring what awaited them.

What does await our heroes (or at least annoying main characters)?Will they be able to face the menaces that lie beyond, or will they succumb?To find out, tune in next week (or, more realistically, next month) for episode 11, "More Boring Plot!"You won't want to miss this!


	11. Angel Attack

Gundam MS: Episode 11

# Angel Attack

"Alright," Misato said before she finished coming up the lift, "What do you have?"

"We picked up two signatures coming in from the west," said Maya from her place at the computer console."We don't know who they are, but… well, you'd better take a look for yourself."She hit a switch, and on the screen popped up two… figures.One was a twenty-something with blond hair and a crackling aura of energy around him, and the other was… a machine.At least, it looked like one.It was pink, and flying like a jet plane.

"Are they Angels?" said Misato incredulously."They're not supposed to work together…"

"We're not sure.We can't detect an AT field coming from either of them.The wave analysis is the weirdest part though.The man is yellow, the machine is pink."

"Yellow?Pink?That's not possible, is it?" asked Misato.

"Well, that's how it is, so I guess so," replied Maya."But you're right; theoretically, it isn't.This doesn't make any sense…"

"Nothing makes any sense around here," said Misato."Let's play this on the safe side.Launch the Eva's!Prepare for combat!Ready the city's loudspeakers; I want to be able to hail those people, whoever they are."

"It's still possible they might not be Angels," contributed Ritsuko."We really have no idea."

"If they're not Angels, then what the hell are they?" mumbled Misato angrily."Are those speakers up yet?"

"Ready and waiting," said Maya."Give the word and you're on."

"Alright then, lets get ready.All pilots, report in!"

"This is Rei.I'm ready."

"This is Asuka.Good to go!"

Silence.

"Shinji-kun?" asked Misato, "Shinji-kun, are you there?SHINJI-KUN!"

"Um, sorry Misato," answered Shinji hesitantly."I was deep in a sea of depression, worthlessness, and self-doubt."

"Oh, good," said Misato, breathing out a sigh of relief."I thought it was something serious.All Evas, launch!"

**********

Sasami flew lazily alongside Gohan, staring at the scenery happily."Oooooh, look at all the pretty buildings!This place is so fun!"

"Yeah yeah, real fun.I wanna find this Death guy already.Besides, these look almost the same as the buildings in your world."

"But they're not!They're so pretty and happy!Everything's pretty!"

"I'm beginning to figure out why no one else wanted to do this.Sure, a whole new world, what a great research opportunity, think of the things we could learn.I knew there would be a downside.We haven't even found anything yet!"

Of course, some narrative conventions override all other factors.Silly things like probability and realism never stood a chance in the face of a statement like that.

The ground slid out in three places right in front of them, and out sprang three giant robots; one red, one blue, and one purple.Each one carried a large rifle, and was pointing it straight at them.The barrel of one of these rifles was larger than either Sasami or Gohan.Neither of them were worried of course; Sasami because she naturally trusted everything to be friendly, and Gohan because he could destroy entire planets without breaking a sweat.Gohan's reason was probably better.

"THIS IS NERV CENTRAL TO FLYING BEINGS!IDENTIFY YOURSELVES IMMEDIATELY!"The voice seemed to come from speakers positioned around the city, and Gohan was pretty sure the speaker was female.

"Hi!I'm Sasami and this is Gohan!Who are you?I wanna meet you!"

"WHY ARE YOU HERE?"

"We want to find Death!" bubbled Sasami before Gohan could stop her.As much as he wasn't worried about the outcome of a fight, his natural instinct was to avoid one at all times (having an insane mother probably helped, and his wife probably did too).

"Uh, Sasami, I think you might want to slow down a bit there…" cautioned Gohan.

"EXPLAIN YOURSELF," came the voice one more time."ARE YOU ANGELS?"

"Uh, I dunno, are we?" asked Gohan.Ryo Ohki would have yelled at him for not paying attention, but since over half her lesson time was spent arguing with Ryoko, Gohan had a pretty good excuse for not being entirely clear on his newfound situation.

"I think so…" answered Sasami hesitantly."I'm not to sure of the details, but-"

Of course, neither of them had anticipated the impact of their response.It was, however, made abundantly clear right then.

"ALL EVAS!OPEN FIRE!"The pilots were quick to respond, having anticipated such an outcome for the entire conversation.All three opened fire, spraying human-sized bullets at the unfortunate heroes.

"EEEEEKKK!" screamed Sasami, suddenly overcome with fear for her life.

Gohan, seeing the danger inherent in those giant guns (not for himself, of course, but for Sasami), burst in front of her quicker than the eye could follow, ready to deflect the incoming stream of firepower.

Which never arrived.

Gohan looked around in surprise, as the intense spray of bullets turned out to be just that; a spray.Looking behind him, he saw several buildings collapse under the hail.Without even thinking about it, he reached out his hand and stopped the only bullet that managed to find it's mark.Dropping it casually to the ground, he could only stare as the rest of the barrage flew right past them.With slightly more conscious effort, he stopped a second bullet, and let it fall too.

And then it was over, all three robots desperately hitting the trigger on their rifles, already out of ammo.

"Damnit!" yelled Asuka from inside her Eva."These things weren't meant to hit human-sized targets!"

Deep underground, in Nerv headquarters, Misato was glaring pointedly at Ritsuko."I think we have a design flaw here," said Misato angrily.

"It's not my fault the design specs didn't mention the need for anything like that," said the offended scientist."You can't ask me to fit in features you never asked for."

"Hah, I can take them!" yelled Sasami up on the surface."I'll use my super-attack!"In place, she made the transformation back into her Gundam's robot mode."Watch and learn!"

ULTRA CUTE PINK SUGAR OVERDOSE ATTACK!

Waves of pink energy flew outward from Sasami, enveloping all around her.Gohan, of course, wasn't affected by the attack, since he was her ally.

Both the red and blue robots fell like toppled trees, grasping at their stomachs as the pilots inside writhed in pain.

"Unnnnggghhhh," groaned Rei, "I feel so horrible.My body feels like it's gonna fall apart… and for me, that's not an idle threat…"

"Guuuuuhhhhhh," groaned Asuka, "I feel like I'm gonna hurl.Someone get me some aspirin, some Tylenol, hell, while you're at it, grab me a whole pharmacy."

The purple robot was the only one still standing.Sasami stared at it in wonder."It shouldn't be able to stand!That attack can disable anyone!How can the pilot still be conscious? He must be soooooooooo cool!"

Inside the robot, Shinji basked in this pink glow."It's amazing… what is this sensation I feel?Can it be… a lack of severe depression?I wonder if it's what people call 'happiness?'"

Meanwhile, Misato was in a screaming frenzy."What the hell were those waves?Why are two pilots downed and groaning?Was it a psychic attack?"

"Possibly," answered Ristuko."I think it sent out massive waves of, um, cuteness."

Misato glared."You had better start making sense before I shove _you_ out to fight that thing!How can cuteness hurt our people?Pain I could understand, but why cuteness?Why'd we have to get stuck with a second-rate scientist?"

"Well, this isn't just little-child-cuteness.This is powerful, carefully refined cuteness.Cuteness so powerful, it can cause seizures in people."

Misato sighed, long and hard."Trust this damn place to take the phrase 'nauseatingly cute' literally.Of course, it would explain why Shinji-kun can still function; he must have enough depression to act as a natural counteragent to the cuteness, canceling it out."Quickly, she walked over to the pilot intercom system."Hey, Shinji-kun, can you hear me?You're the only person who can fight those things!"

Shinji's face stared back at her."Why thanks, Misato.I was just hoping for something new and unusual to happen today.Having to bail your asses out certainly counts as that, doesn't it?"

"Uh, Shinji-kun, did you just make a _joke_?"

"No, I made insightful political commentary.Of course I made a joke!It's not like I've never told a joke before, is it?"

Everyone was silent."Uh, actually Shinji, it is," said Ritsuko."You've never laughed either."

"I take back all the bad things I said about you," Misato whispered to Ritsuko."If that thing can cancel out Shinji's natural depression, that is some hellishly strong cuteness."

Meanwhile, back on the surface…

"I thought you said you'd take them _all_ out, Sasami?" said Gohan."There's one still standing."

"I don't understand it!" cried Sasami."Nothing should be able to withstand that attack!"

"Well," said Shinji, "It's time to kick some serious ass!"He whipped out his progressive knife and started his charge.Several giant leaps brought him within striking range, and he brought his knife down onto the one with yellow hair.

Who caught it in one hand, still conversing with his partner (Shinji couldn't hear exactly what they were saying through his cockpit).Struggling, Shinji tried to cut through with all his strength, but it was stuck firmly.Without appearing to think about it, the strange being reached out one hand towards him and released an energy blast which threw Shinji several blocks away, right into a large building.The being then dropped the knife, still in his hand, onto the ground.

"How did he do that?" yelled Misato.

"I don't know!" Makoto said."He doesn't even have an AT field that I can detect!"

"Wait, I'm getting another signal in the upper atmosphere!" interrupted Shigeru."Wave analysis is… it's an angel!Definitely!And it's getting closer!"

"Signal confirmed!" cried out Maya."It's huge, bigger than anything we've fought before!It looks like it's some sort of giant bomb!We would have detected it sooner, but we were concerned with these other people."

"Is there anything we can do?" asked Misato.

"At this late stage, and with two Evas out of commission, not a chance!" yelled Ritsuko."But maybe those two can help us…"

"I'm telling you, these people are obviously unfriendly," said Gohan."We should just call this off right now."

"We have to give them a second chance," whined Sasami."It's the right thing to do."

"Be that as it may, they've attacked us without warning, so we-"

Whatever he was going to say was drowned out by the loudspeakers that had spoken to them earlier."ATTENTION!WE ARE UNDER ATTACK BY BEINGS KNOWN AS 'ANGELS.'ONE OF THESE ATTACKERS IS COMING FROM ABOVE TO ANNIHILATE THIS CITY.IF YOU ARE NOT HERE TO DESTROY US, PLEASE HELP US TO DEFEAT IT!"

"Will they do it?" asked Misato worriedly.

"They certainly don't look or act like Angels," responded Ritsuko, "And with the position we're in, asking for help can hardly hurt us."

"Do you think it's true?" asked Sasami.

"Well, they did suddenly attack us when we mentioned we were Angels," responded Gohan."Lets see about that enemy they said was above them."He looked up and squinted."I think I see something.Come on, let's fly!"

They both took off for the high skies.

"Well, it seems to be working," said Misato.

"Or they may be going to join with it and become much stronger," replied Ritsuko.

"Always the optimist, huh?"

"Well," said Gohan, "It's big, it's ugly, and it's headed here fast.Get rid of it?"

"Yeah!I wanna try out this slick gun!"

"Alright then, let's do it!"They stopped their ascent and assumed their fighting poses.Gohan hunched over, both hands together, getting ready for his trademark blast.Sasami turned into robot mode and brought her gun to bear.

ULTRA

"Ka…"

CUTE

"Me…"

PINK

"Ha…"

BEAM

"Me…"

BLAST

"Ha!"

ATTACK!

The twin beams, one pink and one yellow, shot up with immense power.They hit the target dead on.It exploded, filling the sky with a rosy red flame as far as the eye could see, a truly beautiful spectacle, like the largest of fireworks.And then, suddenly, it winked out, replaced by utter blackness.

Gohan and Sasami looked around in shock at the sudden change in scene.As far as they could see, everything around them was utter blackness.Slow footsteps echoed from the distance as someone approached them, still shrouded in darkness.

"Who's there?" asked Sasami hesitantly.

"Why, it's only me," responded a voice in a lazy, somewhat high-pitched drawl.As the figure drew closer, light seemed to come from nowhere and illuminate the face.

Pale hair.A golden circlet.A red-on-black uniform. And a blood-red quarterstaff.

Dilandou.

"You?!" cried out Gohan.

"Of course it's me.And I see you recognize this body.However, you should know that it is not the only one I have."

Dilandou grew, and changed.His clothes became completely black and grew baggy, turning into robes while a hood grew over his head.His flesh sunk inwards on his face and hands until it disappeared, leaving bones instead.He grew upwards by several feet, until he towered over them.

And as the final finishing touch, a blade sprung out of the top of his quarterstaff with a sound like a switchblade, turning it into a scythe.

YOU HAVE A NAME FOR ME, YES?I BELIEVE YOU CALL ME "DEATH."

Gohan stood his ground, unafraid (which, in this case, was a big mistake)."I have a message for you from my Death," he said confidently.

OH, YOU DO?WELL THEN, DO TELL BEFORE I SKIN YOU ALIVE FOR MESSING UP MY UNIVERSE.

"It's only one word.Digimon."

**_HAH, RIDICULOUS.YOU ACTUALLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT MISATO COULD… WAIT A MINUTE… SHE COULDN'T, BUT TENCHI COULD!AH, NOW I SEE.HIS IS ONE OF THE FEW UNIVERSES THAT COULD DO IT.NOW THAT WOULD BE WORTH A LITTLE BOTHER.FINE, TELL YOUR DEATHS THAT I AM INTERESTED.THEY CAN COME TO EXPLAIN, I WILL NOT HARM THEM.NOW GO. With a negligent flip of the wrist, Gohan and Sasami vanished.They found themselves back in front of the portal that led to Sasami's Universe._**

"What do we do now?" asked Sasami.

"I suppose we go and report how things went.Damnit, how did we ever get drafted into being postmen?"

"I think it's pretty fun!"

"You think everything's fun.Come on, lets go."

Together, they stepped back into the portal.

**********

"And so, that's what happened," finished Gohan."Now, what are we going to do?"

YOU AND SASAMI WILL COME WITH MISATO AND ME TO EVANGELION.THE REST OF THE DBS WILL GO BACK TO THEIR OWN WORLD, EXCEPT FOR VEGETTA, WHO WILL REMAIN HERE.WE WILL BE GONE FOR A LONG TIME.RELENA, COME HERE.

"Uh, yes?" asks Relena hesitantly, as she comes to stand directly in front of Death.Carefully, he hands her his scythe, which she places one hand on, still not entirely sure what is going on.

I WILL BE GONE FOR A LONG TIME.UNTIL I RETURN, YOU SHALL BE DEATH.RYO OHKI CAN HELP YOU.YOU WILL ALSO BE JOINED BY A REPRESENTATIVE FROM EACH WORLD.VEGETTA FROM DRAGONBALL, AND ONE I WILL SEND BACK TO YOU FROM EVANGELION.

"Me?As Death?Does that mean I'll have unlimited power?YAHOO!"

THERE WILL BE LIMITS, OF COURSE.AND ONLY UNTIL I GET BACK.

"Awww, you're no fun."

Death took his hand off his scythe, and Relena flinched as if struck.She fell onto the ground and sat their, dazed.

**_DON'T WORRY, SHE'S JUST IN SHOCK.SHE'LL GET BETTER SOON, Death said._**

"Goku, come here," said Misato.

"Yes?Do I get your power too?"

"Yes, my eternally dense friend.You'll be guided by Ryoko, who will double as this Universe's representative, and, of course, one who I will send back from Evangelion.Try not to get into too much trouble while I'm gone, OK?"

"Yes Ma'am!" he yelled enthusiastically.Misato's hand left the scythe.

Goku staggered back, looking as though he was about to fall.Misato walked up to him, and gave him a little shove so that he fell right into his home portal.Ryoko floated over, then, and turned around to wave.

"See ya everyone!Try not to miss me too much!"

"That won't be a problem," grumbled Ayeka under her breath.

"Well, bye!" Ryoko floated backwards and into the portal.

The rest of the DBs, except for Vegetta and Gohan, walked through the portal after saying their goodbyes.

"Well, looks like it's time to head back," said Gohan.

"Yay, I like those people!" bubbled Sasami."They're fun!"

"They tried to kill us!"

"They're still fun!Yay!"

They walked into the portal, still arguing.

**_IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S OUR TURN NOW, said Death._**

He and Misato walked side by side into the newest portal, disappearing.

**********

Far away, Duo smiled at his two pawns, before turning to his partner.His smile grew larger."Alright, Hitomi.It's time.Let's send out our little troops."

"Good.Van, Dilandou, move out!"

"Right," said Van."Let's go, Dilandou."

"Yes, Master," Dilandou replied.


End file.
